Student journalists. Turns out our insistent need to shove the latest print edition in innocent freshers’ faces is not the only thing distinctive to us. There’s also our unique section wardrobes that help those weary of their local student journos spot us from a mile off. We’ve already looked at the newsies and the fashion girlies, but did the other sections think they would get off that easily? As a new editorial team takes over, there may be new editors but old habits die hard. Did the handover document contain a step-by-step list on how to look like you just walked out of 16 Mill Lane? Well if not, here it is.

Comment

How do you dress in a way that will compel people to listen to you? “Trust me, trust me,” they plead “I know what I’m talking about.” The Comment section takes their fashion as seriously as they take their opinions. Just like their hot takes, their wardrobe is full of regressive clichés. They would certainly be the first to crack out a beret in front of the Eiffel Tower: the true Parisian way. With their chinos, tweed jackets, and wool jumpers, who wants to tell them that they’re now in university and can finally part ways with their much-loved school uniform? If they could, without being socially shunned, they’d parade their prefect badge around Cambridge as their stamp of credibility.

I imagine getting cornered by a comment writer is similar to being coerced into listening to a song with the promise of it getting better on the fourth listen. You’ll begin to wonder how, why or when you got into a debate with them about sustainability, while you spy their H&M package sitting in the corner.

Music

We get it, you like Paramore. If it wasn’t your multiple band posters, the tattoo on your wrist, or the playlist on repeat at 3am that gave it away, it was your washed-out ready to throw away t-shirt from the concert you went to in 2014. I’m begging you to buy some new pyjamas.

Unlike the rest of the world, the music team refuses to conform to earbuds and insists on styling their overhead headphones as an accessory. Maybe they’re waiting to have their (500) Days of Summer moment or maybe they are just insufferable. The most essential accessory for them is playing their music so loudly that they can hear every beat of the drum, along with the rest of Seeley library. That’s the fourth time you’ve played Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers. Turn it off.

Film and TV

Gone are the days of pretentious Letterboxd users that claim Synecdoche, New York changed their life. Now the only essential watching for Film and TV editors is the first three episodes of The Vampire Diaries. Their style is simple: pick a character and dress exactly like them. It’s not ‘skinny jeans’, it’s Elena-Gilbert-core. Leather jacket? More like Jen Lindley from Dawson’s Creek. No, not layers - you’re asking for the Rachel Green haircut. If it doesn’t fit into the carefully curated aesthetic of your selected character, it doesn’t belong in your wardrobe.

Features

Have you ever been stopped in the middle of Sidgwick site, anticipating to get a compliment on your outfit that you spent two hours curating at 7am in the morning, only to be asked about your opinion of the Pitt Club? Turns out, bad things do happen to good people. If not, it won’t be long before you to experience this unfortunate fate and stumble across one of the Features team, eager to find an inside scoop. With college puffer in hand, they use their fashion to help describe themselves using their signature three words: “just like you”. They are just innocent bystanders, curious about public knowledge. Definitely not student journalists who will take your quote and make it the headline of their latest article.

Sub-editors

Turns out our articles don’t get subbed magically. Who would’ve known? The sub-editors work day and night correcting our grammar and questionable spelling. They like to live on the low, and their style matches. With the trusted jeans and t-shirt combo, the most adventurous thing the sub-editors do in a given week is use an Oxford comma.