ALI LEWIS - YES

Women can’t vote,” said the fictional man in the pub. “Yes they can,” I countered. “Okay, but they can’t have jobs.” “Yes they can,” I again riposted.  “Okay well, yes, they can be secretaries and nurses,” he said in a way that was both sexist and patronising to two professions. “Actually, they do all kinds of jobs nowadays,” I sighed at the imaginary sexist, “but, seriously, name one thing that men do better than women?” He paused:  “Sports!  Name a sport women can play that men can’t.” I thought for a long moment, and then went in for the kill: “Women’s football”. “But, but... men can’t play women’s football.” , “Precisely.” In light of this defeat the apocryphal chauvinist moved onto safer ground: “Women can’t wee standing up”.

“So?” I said, “How does that in any way hold women back?”, “Well, let me tell you,” said the chimerical intransigent, improvising wildly, “female politicians have to plan their campaign routes around public toilets, whilst their male counter-parts are free to piss gaily against arbitrarily-chosen shrubbery and brickwork, thus rendering...” , “SHE WEE!” interrupted an imaginary, screaming dullard. “Yes, yes, she wee, women do wee, well done,” we replied patiently, approaching with the strait jacket reserved in my dreams for committers of grammatical sins. “No!” he cried, “SheWee™!” , “Oh!” we said, loosening the bonds of the outmoded mental health apparatus, “why didn’t you say so? I completely forgot about SheWee™!” , “Excuse me, for a moment, if I might interject?” interjected the sexist self-permissively, “but what exactly is a SheWee™?”,  “Well, to quote from their website, a SheWee is a “water repellent plastic funnel that allows women to urinate whilst standing.” “But if women can vote, have jobs, play sports and wee standing up, that means...!” I beg to propose.

NO - AHIR SHAH

As a mother, I would find the notion that female ambition is the only limit to female success to be risible, were it not so offensive. We have heard it said often that society is not, metaphorically speaking, ‘colourblind.’ Are we to believe that, in spite of this, society is sex-blind? (Tee-hee.)

Can we seriously entertain the view that women are only being held back in life by their lack of desire for success? Of course not. Women are also being held back by the fact that they are less good at things, a point to which many of the 19th century minor aristocrats who formed my focus group will attest.

“But Ahir,” you ask, “is it not the case that you can’t think of anything meaningful you can do that a woman couldn’t do just as well? Furthermore, isn’t it true that even if this hypothetical woman were doing something that you can do either better or worse than you can do it, this has less to do with the fact that she is a woman and more to do with the fact that she is a different person? And, over and above any other point, is it not the case that many people considering this topic of debate will have in their minds a conception of success centred on the world of business, with a focus on high-powered and -salaried jobs, that doesn’t necessarily appeal to everyone - male or female - as each individual has their own notion of what constitutes ‘success’ in life?”

“That may be the case,” I would respond. “But the fact remains that I am deeply prejudiced, and also deceptively good at opening jars.”

For the sake of these jokes, I beg to oppose.