"Oh yes it is!"

My first brush with a celebrity was at a pantomime a decade ago in Woking, Surrey. I remember the evening well: an overcrowded theatre full of noisy children, weary parents cradling glasses of wine and people crunching savoury snacks.

Then the lights dimmed, the music started, and Danny from Hear’say came on stage dressed to the nines in his Oriental Aladdin suit. The musical score comprised pop songs or melodies borrowed from well-known tracks. Everyone danced, everyone cheered and everyone shouted the pantomimic refrain “He’s behind you!” What more could you want from a night of Christmas entertainment?

Pantomimes tour England annually to great success. Small local theatres are filled to their capacity with the nation’s favourite celebrities and excited audience members. Particularly at a time when local independent theatres and cinemas are dying out, pantomimes offer a colourful dose of entertainment and an economic boost in local communities.

One of the greatest parts of British pantomime is the fact that everyone across the country can experience a little pantomime magic, with a performance from their favourite all-singing and dancing soap opera character or girl-band member. The Christmas period is guaranteed to be lit up by satisfying performances of romance, battles and adventure, not to mention the extravagant costumes and epic stage designs of pirate ships and fairy castles.

Audience participation is a must in pantomime, which is what makes it so universal. Even the grumpiest cynic cannot ignore the battle cry “Oh no it isn’t!”, when everyone, from children to parents to aloof teenagers, shouts in response, “Oh yes it is!” . Pantomime never disappoints: there is always a bad guy or gal to boo, or a hero or heroine to cheer on. Plus a hefty dose of Chaplin-esque slapstick, topical quips and egregious amounts of cross-dressing.

Pantomime gives us diverse comedy and modern-day fairytales. The sequins, sparkle and pop music only enhance the already entertaining shows. Plus, the celebrities add comedy value and swooning potential. Pantomime obeys the shrewd mantra of one of this generation’s biggest pop stars, Psy – “dress classy, dance cheesy”, and it works pretty well.

Rebecca Rosenberg

"Oh, no it isn't!"

If you pass a theatre this Christmas season, or even a theatre advert on a billboard, I can already predict the poster you will see.

There will be a sparkly background in a lurid shade of green/purple/pink obscured by enormous faces. The obligatory actress who has spent first pay cheque for this job on teeth-whitening, so is smiling as widely as possible to show them off. The lead actor, who might have been in an episode of Casualty last year and has probably modelled for an independent fashion boutique, but is now sprayed orange so as to not to make his co-star feel self-conscious. There’ll also be a man in make-up and a frilly dress, cast in accordance with that timeless rule of comedy: the fatter, the funnier.

And then, in a font looking like a cheaper version of the one used by Disney in the 1990s, the name of that beloved fairy tale that’s being bastardised. Which, of course, stars someone you’re meant to have heard of.

Surely panto’s better than I’m making it out to be? Oh no it isn’t! No one who considers themselves a serious theatre-goer wants to be seen at a pantomime. ITV got a tradition going about 10 years ago, with stellar actors including Harry Hill and Paul Merton, and even those haven’t aged well.

The point is, we don’t want panto to be any good. It’s much more British to have a tradition whose only purpose is to give us something to complain about, along with grumbling about the government and the weather. In the same way, we want to complain that our local production spent their entire budget getting CJ from Eggheads to stardom, that ‘twerking’ is the punchline to 67 different jokes (the rest being about poo) and that the feline celebrity of the week just landed a starring role.

What would we do with a brilliant local pantomime? Book tickets without being able to pretend they were for young children? Let’s face it: quality is not the reason we slog through panto – why pretend?

Imogen Sebba

The ADC/Footlights pantomime The Princess and the Pea will be on at the ADC Theatre until Sat 7th December at 7.45pm