Fashion was, growing up, something that other, cooler girls did. Non-uniform days at school would be a constant battle between my mum trying to encourage me into traditional South Asian clothing and my deep longing to simply to fit in. Even though the bright colours and jewels of my shalwar kameez outfits brought comfort and happiness, neon leg warmers and supermarket Ugg boots were the clothing staple if you wanted to be in with the Year 5 crowd.

Rather than revealing my identity, the pressure associated with fashion culture felt like it was concealing it. Fashion wasn’t for me; it wasn’t accessible to me and I didn’t understand it.

“Rather than revealing my identity, the pressure associated with fashion culture felt like it was concealing it”

My outlook changed slowly throughout the years and one particular Varsity Fashion article took my imagination by storm. I remember being seriously inspired because all of a sudden, fashion wasn’t something to be feared – a complex set of rules or something I could convince myself I didn’t have time for. For the first time, it was about going into a shop and letting myself feel a buzz of excitement at the sight of garishly bright colours and floaty sleeves.

It was about going to art galleries and realising how different colours together made me feel excited because they just looked good together. I tried my hardest to block out trends, instead picking out things that felt very me – things that inspired me to feel confident and different. Fashion and style are dynamic and so personal, it is much less about others and much more about what sparks joy individually and, in such times, it can be a great way of expressing how you feel, and more importantly how you want to feel.

Scrubs-and-a-messy-bun chic is my daily look as a student doctor. The time where I get to wear clothes that I want means a lot more to me. These days, feeling put together is an aspiration and keeping within a colour theme or wearing matching monochrome helps me feel that. Identity changes. It is individual. To make identity identifiable it can’t really be about following a strict set of rules or policing each other. Of all the eras of my life, Lockdown 3.0 has felt like the one with the least pressure to dress a certain way. Clothing shops are closed and there are definitely more pressing matters than following the latest trends.

“Of all the eras of my life, Lockdown 3.0 has felt like the one with the least pressure to dress a certain way”

On my daily walks, I find myself taking photos of buildings that I really like the colour schemes of. I’ve missed not being able to go into clothing stores or art galleries, but on the back of this, I’ve found myself rediscovering old clothes that had been slowly pushed to the back of my wardrobe. Mixing these with clothes I’d bought more recently in my life felt like I was breathing life back into my commonly worn outfits.

In the past, I bought clothes whenever I needed a serotonin boost and often ended up purchasing things I didn’t need just because they were different or a really good deal. Since lockdown, I’ve been better at waiting for certain pieces and investing money in things that really excite me that I’ve let myself think about for weeks and weeks before buying online.

Being surrounded by constant reminders of how short life is makes me pull out all of the clothes that I’ve been saving for ‘special occasions’. It’s about getting wear out of your favourite clothes and not saving them for a time that never comes. Fashion and style are what you make of it, not something that belongs to anyone but you. With life that’s been slowed down by other things there has never been more of a time where it’s so personal, because for the first time it’s not as influenced by media or clothes shops or other people. If you want to rock that gothic chic or cottage-core or just be comfortable, that’s your identity and it may well change and that’s fine. Just make sure you feel good in yourself, it’s the least we can aspire to feel with current events.

It’s very much about being like ‘if I wear a bright red suit on my walk today, will that make me happy’ and sort of projecting where and who you want to be until you get there.

While it may feel like a temporary pause to fashion culture, there’s a strong argument to be made that it is only the beginning to fashion as an identity.