I’m so irritated. I am currently sat writing this, in the AMES library, with my arse chafing against the library seat because last night, it rained. It snowed just about everywhere else in England, but obviously not Cambridge. So, instead of a magical morning filled with festive Bridgemas whimsy, my bike seat, handles, and basket, got unromantically soggy, and I arrived at Sidge looking like a bathroom mishap.

This could just be my evil bike seat, but no matter how much I wipe it, and no matter how dry it appears, it works like a sponge. Look at me. What a state. Last year, I used my UL plastic bag to protect me from soggy bottom days like today (20p needed to be put to some good use, given that I haven’t been back since). That was until the fateful day somebody nicked the bag off of my seat. If this was you, I hope you are having a bad day.

“As much as a wet-bum look is kind of hilarious, it’s cold and annoying”

As much as a wet-bum look is kind of hilarious, it’s cold and annoying. So annoying. I cannot avoid cycling; the U Bus is not speedy enough. Every day I wake up and I think: 'Am I cycling today?' If the answer is no, I whack on a skirt, or some slightly impractical baggy trousers of any length, a top, and a jumper, and I go about my day. If I am cycling, my options thin out. Jeans are a go-to. They can deal with oil stains until the next wash, and probably won’t rip: a bit sturdier than most trousers. If you wear baggy jeans, you have to wear long enough socks or boots so you can pull a 'right foot tuck' manoeuvre. Because I am a bit lazy with this trick, my favourite grey jeans have been shredded by my gears. If you wear tighter, skinnier jeans (respectable decision, I support skinny jeans), then the ankle tucking problem is alleviated, but possibly replaced by the risk of rain. Skinny trousers when wet are not fun. I cannot take this risk.

Hack for helmet hair: scarf. The bigger the better. You basically need a blanket. This adds a certain 'frazzled English woman' look, or gives the vibe of a little French outing, if you tie it up right. Regardless of how you would like to cover your hair, a scarf is perfect for it. I have two favourites. One is my mum’s (sorry Clare!), and one is a sparkly sequined one that’s brown, green, and blue. This one is very Hannah Montana (if she had to be a bit more practical). I know you really aren't supposed to wear headphones when cycling, so my frail, pale ears get chilly in these colder months. The scarf is a perfect middle ground; wrap that thing over your head and your ears! A lot of scarves are even thin enough to sit under your helmet, because we all wear our helmets, don’t we….

“There is no winning for the winter cyclist”

And it’s cold now! So, one wraps up well to cycle, but no long coats because they’ll get caught in your wheels, and no big coats because if they are too thick you can’t look over your shoulder to check traffic. Gloves are a must have, though, and not just because they are a fun way to add dimension to your outfit. You are all wrapped up on your bike, and the first 8 minutes of the cycle into town is fine. It’s great even! The cold air may sting, but you are just about warm enough. And then the second half of the cycle comes. You start to sweat a bit under all the layers, but your nose and fingers are so cold they might drop off, and the wind is flowing up your baggy jeans. Then, you arrive both freezing cold and sweating. A joke. There is no winning for the winter cyclist.

Last term, I had a supervision at Medwards, (yay! Not too far to cycle at all!) and then, to my horror, one immediately afterwards at Homerton. Unfunny. Then, a 25-minute cycle back to college. So, be nice to your hill college and Homerton friends, but be especially nice to Girton Bike Warriors. If a Girton student has managed to put on a fire ’fit and they’ve cycled to see you? You'd better compliment them at least once for every minute of their cycle journey.