Wilt thou, dear Holkham, deign to look on me, And be as I have always pictured thee? Seeing that void where a personality should be, replaced only by the tired, ugly, and unoriginal Holkham puffer jacket that has metastasised throughout the student body. In Cambridge, it is practically uniform, removing personality and turning us into a homogenous mass indistinguishable save for our college crest (or for those suggesting a personality, choicest fonts for embroidered initials). Granted, the purpose of the puffer in Cambridge as a form of ID is its only saving grace, allowing us to be distinguished from the morass of tourists that spawn relentlessly every weekend. Yet I can’t help feeling that the Holkham is too easy an option. I want to know who people are by what they wear; it doesn’t need to be interesting per se, but at least somewhat individual, as opposed to the uniform of the dullest of cantabs. Like lemmings, we flock to wear these clothes, forgoing colour or personality. At least lemmings have some colour.

“Like lemmings, we flock to wear these clothes, forgoing colour or personality”

Its ubiquity has transformed it into something vulgar. Show me what you are, who you are and what you stand for. Of course, many may argue that the jackets are a practicality and grab-and-go fashion. Sure, but so is every other form of jacket. I am not arguing for 17th-century fashion here; I am asking for some individuality. My distaste towards these shapeless marshmallows is simply because it reduces individuals into a mass of dullards, unable to express individuality or to offer a whiff of uniqueness. Fashion and individuality can be both interesting and practical; even other puffers can be practical and fashionable, just make it expressive.

For those of you who decide to wear their puffers at home, the ninth circle of hell awaits. What exactly are you trying to say? That you are better than other people, you go to an elite institution, or are you even more gormless than you look? I can see virtually no reason to wear a puffer home, save for these reasons. Those who do should be shamed for their transgressions against personality, taste and against the Cambridge bubble. Rather than wearing your keen piece of stash, why not wear something different from your daily Cambridge attire?

The trickle of Camfesses with sightings of puffers outside of Cambridge is a testament to how much these jackets make you stand out. Don’t get me wrong, celebrate the fact that you study at Cambridge, tell everyone you know. But at the very least, do it in a way that doesn’t make people think that you are a supercilious nightmare. Wearing your Holkham outside the CB postcode only makes you condescending, vain, and marks you out as the biggest chauvinist in any given situation.

“If I sound sneering, it is because I am. Wear any other jacket or none at all”

If I sound sneering, it is because I am. Wear any other jacket or none at all. I don’t have a problem with puffers, just with this one wretched brand used by egoists who think that these jackets constitute the peak of fashion, or something that one could and should wear on a daily basis. Wear a parka, peacoat, poncho or a peplum all without leaving P. In a time where anything can be bought, and there is near infinite variation, why so often do people give in to the most insipid of beasts?

In a world that is so drab, we need more colour, shape and interest. Let your clothes be that vivid light that brightens the day of people passing by and whispers longingly of joy, hope, or at least a sense of personality. Fashion is an opportunity for self-expression and empowerment that so many willingly avoid by shoving on a puffer. If you think that by putting on a puffer you are exempting yourself from fashion, or from choice, or are making some sort of odd semi-ironic, quasi-political statement, you aren’t. You really aren’t. You, like everyone else, obey the rules of fashion, you are a lemming, a sheeple, and you are just choosing to be poorly dressed. There is no excuse for groupthink; express yourself, and for God’s sake, take off that bloody puffer.

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