The stereotypical association between beginning university, embracing new experiences and oh – suddenly both discovering and revealing your sexuality to the world is both harmful and inaccurate. ‘Coming out of the closet’ is an even more problematic metaphor: implying LGBT+ people exist in a state of repression until they finally have the confidence to reveal their secret to their friends and family in a huge ceremony. We don’t, for example, expect straight people to have to ‘come out’ about their sexuality, and we definitely don’t ask them to describe what it was like to do so.

It remains, however, that being LGBT+ can affect your Cambridge experience in unique ways. The norm of heterosexuality is entrenched over and over again in student life: swaps, social expectations and casual banter to name just a few. This is one of the reasons that CUSU and most colleges have dedicated officers to support the welfare of LGBT+ students throughout their time here, and this includes with regards to ‘coming out’. Varsity asked six self-identifying LGBT+ people to share about how coming out has impacted their experience at university; they hope that in telling their stories others can see that there is no ‘right’ way to come out, and plenty of positives to celebrate.

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“I thought I would be seen as a fraud”

Like most LGBT+ people, I don’t have a singular coming out story. Over my time at the University I’ve slowly discovered who I am and there have been a number of steps that have led to me being able to proudly and confidently identify as bisexual. At school I’d drunkenly kissed girls before, but then so had everyone else in my friendship group, and besides, I had a boyfriend – so I was straight. During my first year at Cambridge I learnt that actually most women don’t want to kiss other women and that I really did. Despite this realisation I didn’t feel confident enough to sign up to LGBT+ communities. While everyone in my college group seemed lovely they were predominantly gay men and I thought they would see me as a fraud: not ‘gay enough’ to be classed as anything but straight. It wasn’t until I actually had a girlfriend that I thought I could ‘come out’ because then no one could view me as a liar or a fraud. Even then, there were still people who thought I was attention seeking, having a university phase or, I quote, “had run out of boys in college”. Despite this, the majority of people have been utterly supportive; my friends care more about the quality of the person I date than their gender; my siblings tell me they always knew and frankly don’t care. When I talked about having a girlfriend to my college Revd he didn’t blink an eyelid. It sounds clichéd but in my experience most people in Cambridge are super accepting and I feel so happy that I got to discover who I really am. 

Isabelle Jefford, Jesus

“Coming out at Cambridge was disappointing”

There were no fireworks and no pink champagne. Part of me wished that people had made more of a big deal. But after two years at Cambridge, I’m now thankful that it has been so easy. The experience could not have been more different to coming out at school. There, I was treated as a novelty, a fabulous zoo attraction. “Have you kissed the only other gay at school?” and “do you fancy any of us?” were just a small selection of the repressed, homoerotic banter to be enjoyed in sixth form. At Cambridge, whatever the perception of students in wider society is, most of us are old enough to know better.

The one thing that I am strangely and, paradoxically, proud of, however, is that no one knew I was gay. Perhaps that’s an indication of the lack of preconceptions among students. “You’re not camp, so I didn’t know”, was something I heard often. Thinking back on this, though, I am less convinced that this was due to my good straight man character, and more concerned that it is indicative of subtle, unconscious biases or assumptions about gay men. So, if you get looks of surprise because someone assumed you were straight, stop for a moment and consider why you think this is.

Carl Reuben Wikeley, Trinity Hall

“I’ve found discrimination hiding behind academic debate”

For me as a relatively new (second-year) non-binary student in Cambridge, I've been able to be a part of a genuinely exceptional queer community, and felt a connection to its members the likes of which I’ve never experienced anywhere else. However, whether this is actually a product of the overall atmosphere of the University is questionable. There’s certainly very little direct bigotry, but the overall ‘intellectual’ environment often facilitates off-the-cuff opinions with no appreciation of the actual experiences of trans people. By all means there can be good debate about gender and trans issues, and they may indeed include input from cis people. However, all too often you end up in situations in which some philosophy trumps the experiences of trans people, and the oppression they face by giving such a view weight. I don’t care what Hegel tells you to think. This is bigotry under a veil of (pseudo)intellectualism. 

Tom Ashford, St John's

“Being out in Cambridge is fab!”

When I arrived at Cambridge I had just started a relationship with a girl back home and so was pretty comfortable in myself that I wasn’t straight. But it was a bit weird because although my parents were totally chill with this, I had come out to literally only three of my friends. I acknowledged that I was afraid of how my friends’ perceptions of me would shift and therefore avoided broaching the topic with the vast majority of them. So starting at Cambridge was a great opportunity to begin afresh: nobody had preconcieved opinions about me and I could start really being myself. I was also incredibly fortunate that on my corridor of seven freshers, one of the guys was gay and we came out to each other after probably less than 48 hours (we ended up getting college married). And so slightly tentatively, and with a little bit of trepidation, we ventured into the Cambridge LGBT+ scene together. Later that year, I took the lazy route and came out to the rest of College by applying for the role of JCR LGBT+ Officer (and getting it). Through the role I’ve seen other people come out: it’s pretty much never a grand statement, just another part of you which the people around you will be quick to accommodate. The vast, vast majority of people at Cambridge are accepting, tolerant and supportive.

Buffy Eldridge-Thomas, Downing College

“I’ve found a fantastic community in CUSU LGBT+”

I have never been in the closet nor had a coming out experience before coming to Cambridge, and being very comfortable as a gay man I had never thought of hiding my sexuality when going to a new place. Personally I have not experienced any form of discrimination, and with the family scheme and regular activities organised by CUSU LGBT+, it’s easy to make friends who identify as LGBT+. Other than the CUSU LGBT+ events, each college has its own LGBT+ rep who plans activities, and I definitely did not feel alone or unable to meet other students here. The most important thing about being LGBT+ in Cambridge is how being part of the community is a non-issue, which really should be the case no matter where we are. Everyone here respects each other’s sexuality and gender identity.

Ernest Chen, St John's

“Before Cambridge, I avoided talking about my bisexuality”

It’s hard to come out in a world that isn’t quite sure that my sexuality actually exists. When I came out to my friends back home, I was met with one of two reactions. A few friends reacted with outright confusion, asking whether bisexuality was ‘really a thing’. Most completely forgot any conversation we had about it and continued to react with surprise if I pointed out attractive women, most likely because people don’t take note of a sexuality that is treated as a ‘phase’. People seem to find it hard to fathom that sexuality isn’t determined by the gender of the person you are currently with, so my sexuality is often dismissed.

I’ve found people at Cambridge to be unusually supportive and understanding. I’m rarely ever met with the surprised ‘but you seem so straight’ comments, and have never received any biphobic remarks. Perhaps the most important difference for me has been that my sexuality isn’t ‘forgotten’ by my friends. Despite being in a heterosexual relationship, they remember I am not straight, but do so without treating me any differently. I’m still wary of openly discussing my sexuality, for fear of being treated as attention seeking or a closet lesbian in denial. However, so far I’ve only been met with positive reactions, and I have never felt more comfortable with my sexuality.

Emma Simkin, Homerton