The thing about other people is that they are intrinsically unlovable. They smell, they say things they don’t mean, sometimes they don’t offer to make the tea and, when they do, they think it’s totally okay to put the milk in first. On these grounds, it’s a wonder that anyone ever says ‘I love you.’

Yet people do. The Beatles say it in ‘Love Me Do’, Julia Roberts says it to Hugh Grant in Notting Hill (even though she’s loaded and he lives with Rhys Ifans, though personally I think I’d take Rhys Ifans). It’s a phrase that has become so ingrained into our culture that when we enter relationships ourselves, the ‘L-word’ seems a huge issue. Can you say it too soon? Will saying it too soon ruin everything? As someone whose relationship history would probably fit onto the back of a postage stamp, I think I’m in a good objective position to explore this question. That’s right reader, I’ve been single so you don’t have to be. You can thank me later.

The first thing to bear in mind is that the words ‘I love you’ are just words. Words are tricky buggers. They can change their meaning at the drop of a hat, and sometimes they cease to mean anything at all. So, to point out the obvious: loving someone, and saying ‘I love you’, are not the same thing. You can say ‘I love you’ till the cows come home, but those cows are likely to seek relationship counselling if you don’t have something to show for it. Rather than dropping the L-word, perhaps you should invite them for a drink, or give them a hug, or ask how their day is, or send them a YouTube video of myotonic goats (worth a Google). People appreciate little things.  

According to the font of all knowledge that is the Daily Mail, ‘I love you’ are the three most significant words in the human language. This is apparently because ‘I love you’ only has one right answer: ‘I love you too’. Now, I’m not sure this is strictly the case. If you say ‘I love you’ to someone, and they don’t say it back, then you just might be in two different places (or, from experience, they might be a cat). 

That doesn’t mean you should break up. What it does mean, however, is that communication is important – use your words, and, crucially, go beyond ‘I love you’. Talk about why you love them, talk about what is it that makes them important to you, ask what they want from the relationship – and even if you’re in two different places, you’ll have a much better idea as to whether they’re just up the road, or forming their own commune somewhere off the coast of New Zealand.

The powers that be at the Daily Mail say that “you don’t really love someone after three months”. This is probably true, but largely because you can’t really know someone after three months. On the one hand, saying ‘I love you’ early on in the relationship might just be a way of saying ‘I like you and want to take this further’. 

But if you’re chucking your whole heart into it so soon, it might also say more about how you feel about yourself, than how you feel about the other person. In this sense, ‘I love you’ might mean ‘I’m scared you won’t want to see me again’, or ‘I need to be in love’. Both things are completely valid, but again it might be better just to be honest about what you’re thinking.

With all this in mind, it’s probably best not to obsess over ‘I love you’. If you spend too much time overthinking those words, you’re probably not spending enough time actually enjoying being in the relationship. So, to leave you with three rules:

•Say ‘I love you’ with actions, not words. 

•However, professing your love is important but only if you’re being honest.

•Never take relationship advice from the Daily Mail