Dear Varsity,

Preparations for my stint as an undercover journo on the Caribbean island of Guadeloupe were less than comprehensive, consisting primarily of Googling one of the schools I’d been allocated to work in as an English assistant.

The first hit was an article headlined ‘Incendie volontaire’ accompanied by a picture of an ash-strewn classroom with a partially visible scrawl on the blackboard reading "si vous voulez continuer à vivre," the photo tantalisingly refusing to divulge exactly what it was that one should do if one did indeed want to remain alive. So, I gathered, I shall be faced with arsonists, but only those considerate enough to address the object of their acrimony with the polite form of address, vous.

This, combined with the information that a devastating hurricane was forecast for 30/09/10 made for an interesting pre-departure chat with dubious parents. I have not yet experienced any arson, although the hurricane thing’s all a bit more uncertain, being the 27th as I write this.

After a strangely unremarkable flight (no airline could trump RoyalAirMaroc’s animated chanting mullahs ensuring no prayer fell victim to time-zone confusion), I finally set foot in Basse Terre - my Guadeloupian home for the next 8-12 months (NB.the nonchalant uncertainty that comes as a result of buying a one way ticket to the Caribbean!) which boasts the country’s jungle-enveloped volcano. The humidity weighs in the air like a soaked sponge, and gleaming blue sky alternates with hot, moody showers – I have already been asked by my supervisor to avoid the (inevitable) day I turn up to teach in a see-through top as "some young men are obsessed with breasts." I have been warned.

I also blame the rain for the recent cockroach uprising, although they’re lured easily enough onto a teaspoon and put to good use as ammunition against my newest rival, the resident cockerel and its depraved 3am calls...

À la semaine prochaine, mes amis cantabrigiens!

Haxie x