College: Sidney Sussex
School: Richard Huish College, Taunton
D.O.B: 09/08/1990
D.O.D: Don’t be so defeatist
Sexuality: Unfortunately, I am resolutely heterosexual
Ethnicity: Cornish
Religion: Atheist
Emergency contact: The Union Office
Smoker? Yes
No. of sexual partners? Never counted, never will
No. of pets? Three
Mental health problems? Not recently
Favourite book? The Secret History by Donna Tartt
Actual favourite book? This question makes me think a more interesting person would have lied...
What are you reading? A History of God by Karen Armstrong

*

Where do you live?
Glastonbury.

Where do you sleep?
Union Presidents don’t sleep.

Where will you be on Wednesday night?
On the steps to Cindies, agonising if catching up with friends is worth it.

When did you first realise that you wanted to be a megalomaniac?
I oscillate daily between narcissism and megalomania. I’ve yet to settle on which I prefer.

Who’s your favourite dictator?
Hitler, but only because he was so reassuringly evil. It is unsettling how easily I sympathise with the tyrants of the left, who believed that they were the architects of a better future for humanity.

What’s the working title for your spill-all memoir?
Everybody gets Three.

How many copies will it sell?
With such a scintillating title, I anticipate millions.

What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard?
"This is a progressive budget" - Nick Clegg

Who’s your Cambridge arch-nemesis?
Varsity editor Joe Pitt-Rashid. This University isn’t big enough for two overly ambitious 3rd-year Sidney Sussex philosophy students.

If you could rule any country (apart from the UK and USA) which would it be?
Venezuela. I’m liking the popular support for the massive redistribution of the nation’s wealth. There is definitely a lesson there for working-class Britons.

When you’re rich and powerful and the university is offering to name something after you, what will you choose?
I’d take the University Library. I like the way it looms. I’m very much a loomer myself.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a film star. My experience of the village pantomime put me off that.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
No idea. Although I have a horrible vision of myself as a middle-aged, over-fed backbench MP, dribbling into my lap as I sleep through another debate. I have sleeper agents ready to take me out should this come to pass.

What’s the key to happiness?
Meditation

What will be written on your gravestone?
"There is no God, and I was his prophet."

Who would play you in the film of your life?
I have a profoundly uncool love of musicals. Any gaunt British star that can sing. Ewan McGregor? It would have to be directed by Baz Luhrmann.

Who will play your arch-nemesis in the film of your life?
Only Willem Defoe could capture the dark heart of Joe Pitt-Rashid.

Which Pokemon would play you in the cartoon of your life?
Pokemon belongs to my troubled past. I’d like to leave it there.

What’s next for James Counsell?
The universe owes me a gap year. I want to travel the world, wear tie-dye trousers and find myself. I’ve had to put up with gap year tragedies all through Cambridge, so it’s only fair.

Any questions?
Will you play nicely with the Union this term?

 

The Cambridge Union was founded in 1815, since which it has developed a worldwide reputation as a noted symbol of free speech and open debate. Additionally, the Cambridge Union has served as a model for the subsequent foundation of similiar societies at several other prominent universities, including the Oxford Union and the Yale Political Union. Previous Presidents include Arianna Huffington, John Maynard Keynes, Michael Howard, Vince Cable, Henry Sidgwick (of Sidgwick site fame) Norman Lamont, and The West Wing's fictional Will Bailey. Find out more at www.cus.org