College: Downing 

School: Wetherby High School, Leeds

Date of Birth: 15 September

Date of Death: I died a little bit on the day The Beautiful South broke up.

Sexuality: Gay

Ethnicity: Yorkshireman

Religion: Atheist

Emergency Contact:    One of Cambridge’s coffee shops; I am a true latte-leftie.

Smoker: Nope. I just don’t have the style.

Number of sexual partners: Knowing how irritatingly smug it sounds; I am in the happiest of relationships.

Pets: Three guinea pigs.

Mental Health problems:  Foerster’s Syndrome: compulsive punning.

Favourite Book: The Crucible by Arthur Miller (it’s a play, I know.)

Actual Favourite Book:  The Future of Socialism by Anthony Crosland (come on, what were you expecting?)

What are you reading?  The Betrothed by Alessandro Manzoni

Where do you live?

In a house with a charming view of College, but with a serious damp problem.

Where do you sleep?

As above.

Where will you be on Wednesday night?

At the CULC Freshers Squash! Come!

When did you first realise that you wanted to be a megalomaniac?

When I first saw the tower of the UL. Now there’s a symbol of power, he said in a non-Freudian way.

Who’s your favourite dictator?

It is only right that I say the proletariat.

What’s the working title for your spill-all memoirs?

Jovial: The Relationship I Had with History

How many copies will it sell?

One. I’m conceited enough to read my own work.

Who’s your Cambridge arch-nemesis?

Fitzbillies. I spend(/invest) too much money there.

What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard?

I’m just not going to give away my best material. I have, though, been known to use my Facebook status to test audience reaction. I am losing friends daily.

If you could rule any country (UK and USA aside) which would it be?

Strikes? Coffee? Cheese? Seemingly endless holidays? It’s got to be France.

When you’re rich and powerful and the university is offering to name something after you, what will you request?

The History Faculty lavatories. I will demand an actual refurbishment too.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Picked first in sports. Cue the cliché violins.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Pass. But probably picked first in sports.

What’s the key to happiness?

Knowing what you want to be when you grow up.

What will be written on your gravestone?

‘Best before: ... ’

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Bruce Willis, clearly.

Who will play your arch-nemesis in the film of your life?

Any generic reactionary, right-wing historian.

Which pokemon would play you in the cartoon of your life?

I was never struck by the Pokeman craze. Fortunately my life is sufficiently cartoon-esque already.

What’s next for Ashley Walsh?

The Maypole.

Do you have anything you’d like to ask us?

Was it a slow news week?