College: Trinity

School: Dollar Academy

Date of birth: 15th October 1990. You’re out of the maternity ward and into the classroom in Scotland

Date of death: Distant, but not too distant, I hope

Sexuality: How very dare you

Ethnicity: Mainly Celtic - check out the green eyes

Religion: Christianity is fascinating

Emergency contact: My unflappable Diary Secretary – I do her diary, she does mine. Works surprisingly well

Smoker? Cigars are pretty mandatory

No. Of sexual partners? Far fewer than Nick Clegg

No of pets? An affectionate pair of Kenyan giraffes

Mental health problems I call them eccentricities

Favourite book? Fear and Trembling by Kierkegaard

Actual favourite book? The complete works of my literary hero, John Donne

What are you reading? A collection of essays by Forster, an amazing man

Where do you live? Peterhouse

Where do you sleep? My embarrassingly lavish set in Trinity, mostly

Where will you be on Wednesday night? Cindies? I can get my cheese elsewhere, thank you. Probably Catz formal, they have a whole extra course of it there.

When did you first realise that you wanted to be a megalomaniac? In the womb. I was a Caesarian.

Who’s your favourite dictator? King David. Brave, magnificent, sensitive, cultured, passionate, imperfect.

What’s the working title for your spill-all memoirs? Outrageous Fortune (that’s a Hamlet reference, not some sort of Forbes headline)

How many copies will it sell? Well my mother’s certainly not getting one, so probably none.

Who’s your Cambridge arch-nemesis? The proprietor of the Cambridge Cheese Company. I want his shop. All of it.

What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard? The Chairmanship of CUCA is a political role.

If you could rule any country (UK and USA aside) which would it be? I couldn’t think of anything more dreadful than ruling a country.

When you’re rich and powerful and the university is offering to name something after you, what will you request? Cambridge doesn’t need anything new. I’d request a mass demolition of everything ugly.

What did you want to be when you grew up? A particularly vindictive Headmaster

What do you want to be when you grow up? Cheerful and sympathetic

What’s the key to happiness? Sauternes and good company

What will be written on your gravestone? Yesternight the sun went hence/And yet is here today (Donne)

Who would play you in the film of your life? Rupert Everett. Definitely.

Who will play your arch-nemesis in the film of your life? Rupert Everett. I can’t get enough of that chap.

Which Pokemon would play you in the cartoon of your life? Poke-who?

What’s next for Fergus McGhee? A catch-up with John Major

Do you have anything you’d like to ask us? Fancy some port and cheese?