Dear Varsity,

The internet having been down for 10 days due to Bahamas-bound hurricanes, I should have two weeks’ worth of material to regale you with. But I will not bore you with a list of commonplace tropical frolickings. Not, you understand, out of a desire to reduce the jealousy-inducing potential of this little postcard for those of you struggling to hand in essays as glacial Siberian winds sweep into Cambridge and the 15th century, paper-thin ‘feature’ glass windows begin to lose their charm. Oh no. It’s simply that having a lovely time in paradise makes for slim anecdotal pickings. How to wring humour from the inexplicable beauty of swimming with shoals of colourful fish in a Caribbean coral reef? The time I kicked a fellow-snorkeler in the face having genuinely mistaken her for a shark? Perhaps.

But one night does deserve recounting...Having hired scooters for 24 hours on a Guadeloupian island, we decided that time spent sleeping would be a frivolous waste of hire time, and so set off for a spot of midnight engine-propelled exploration. We found ourselves on a secluded starlit beach, and, not content with constellation-gazing and contemplating our own mortality, set about locating the vocal toad community nearby. There we were, just happily staring into a murky swamp, flashlights in hand, when out of the shadows appeared a hunched figure, swinging dreads silhouetted against the moon. "What are you doing here?" he barks in a disarming mix of French and Creole. I offer something to the effect of "We are explorers. We are searching for frogs". Silence.

Niceties over with, ‘Open your bags’ he demands. ‘No’. I am not about to be robbed in a bog. ‘No!’I insist. He delivers an enraged onslaught of Creole, and then, "Mais mes grenouilles! Vous avez volé mes grenouilles!" All becomes clear. I interject with "You believe us to have stolen your frogs, sir? But no! One was merely observing them!" Unfortunately, suspicions of thieving aside, the disquieting combination of my warped archaic French and the fact that I still hadn’t removed my helmet nonetheless seemed to warrant a surreal scooter chase across the island...

 

Haxie x

 

Click here for more from Haxie...