Most of us, at some point or another, will have either stolen something from college or seen a friend do so. Most likely it will be a bit of cutlery: perhaps a distinctive coat of arms or a pretty design was too good to pass up. But, for some, stealing at Cambridge goes beyond the odd plate or teacup and becomes a passion – or perhaps a mania. These are the people who are to blame for those termly emails calling for the return of the college’s prized historic toothpick, or whatever. The people with drawers full of collegiate crockery, the people who fear every knock on the door as the arrival of retribution.

Eager to find out more about this phenomenon, I spoke to several people who have gone above and beyond in the art of acquisitiveness. All of them, for obvious reasons, have asked to remain nameless.

“My primary hunting ground has been college formals”

As I had expected, cutlery from formal dinners are the most popular target: “My primary hunting ground has been college formals,” a student from Trinity Hall tells me. They claim to have acquired forty pieces of silverware in total, “generally stuffed into suit pockets or sometimes socks.” Some also go after much odder prizes. A student from Gonville & Caius tells me that they have “collected several gowns” and were “specifically looking to find gowns made of cotton rather than polyester”. This quest for traditional fabric only came to an end when the student got their hands on a 100% cotton gown. But even this is just the tip of the iceberg. Other stolen items include pieces of masonry from Oxford colleges, a candlestick, and “a random sign”.

Seeking to penetrate the criminal mind, I enquire as to motive. “It started as a joke,” one person says, but they are now driven by “the thrill of the chase.” Another begins to psychoanalyse themselves: “I have the kind of mind which really likes collecting.” They also attribute their actions to “sheer silliness and hubris”.

“But most of the thefts seem not to have required such ingenuity”

Hearing about the candlestick, at least, immediately raises questions about how some of these deeds were accomplished. I am told that the method used in this case was “concealing it in a friend’s oversized costume on Halloween formal”. But most of the thefts seem not to have required such ingenuity, simply being a matter of waiting for the staff to look away. “It was not difficult at all,” the student from Caius assures me.

This student’s easiest conquest yet was stealing the Caius boat club college flag, which they simply found in an empty JCR. The stealing of boat club flags probably merits a whole article to itself and is a time-honoured rowing tradition. For example, the captain of the Magdalene boat club wears a special blazer stitched from such war trophies. One student from Magdalene tells me about a notably less successful attempt a few years ago. After one of the boat club’s termly dinners, about 20 boaties, dead drunk and in full black tie, made their way to Lady Margaret boat house and took down the club’s flag – in full view of CCTV cameras. Needless to say, the flag had to be returned.

As a matter of fact, no one got into any trouble over that. But perhaps that shouldn’t be surprising – colleges seem to be fairly lenient over the issue of stealing. Other than occasional calls for things to be returned, usually accompanied by a promise of amnesty, nobody I spoke to could recall any serious action being taken to either prevent or punish theft. “It’s undeniably an open secret,” one says.

So, if even the colleges themselves don’t care, is there anything wrong with this stealing? Some students are bullish. “The college has too much money to really care,” one says. “Plus, it creates a bond among students.” They describe stealing from college as a “cultural ritual.” But another disagrees, arguing that this habit of stealing is just another expression of Cambridge students’ excessive privilege. “It perpetuates this idea that Cantabs can do whatever they want and not face repercussions,” he says: “Theft from College is aestheticised.”

Right or wrong, stealing from colleges is a Cambridge tradition, and likely to remain so. So long as college insists on putting shiny things within the reach of their members (or cotton gowns, or bits of masonry, apparently), some of them are going to be unable to resist temptation.