Like many students at Cambridge, my go-to escape when the degree gets that bit too much is a relaxing stroll along the Cam. Particularly during Easter, the river provides an idyllic route to follow down to Fen Ditton and look at something other than a laptop screen. Rowers gliding past, cows bathing in the sun, it is perfect.

However, not too long before my matriculation in 2022, the Cam was plagued by a notorious mob of swans: Mr Asbo & Co.. Far from the peaceful walk that I recount, Varsity reported that previous students, townsfolk, and tourists alike were subject to indiscriminate attacks by Mr Asbo and his descendants Mr Asboy and Mr Asbaby.

“The Cam was plagued by a notorious mob of swans: Mr Asbo & Co.”

Notably the worst, Mr Asbo caused such discomfort along the Cam that a number of attempts were made to remove him after the first attacks in 2010. Following the commencement of his malicious antics, people were calling to the late Queen for a royal intervention, given the monarch’s right to all wild swans on open waterways.

Whilst Mr Asbo did not make it into the Queen’s dispatch box, the Conservators of the Cam were in contact with the Warden of the Swans to deal with the Cam’s no.1 villain. Delayed by the conception of Mr Asboy and injuries caused by an unfortunate run in with another bird (people first suspected a crossbow attack), Mr Asbo’s reign of terror finally came to a close in 2012 with his relocation to an undisclosed location.

Not quite living up to the standards of their forefather, Varsity spoke to a number of punters with first-hand experience of later swans and most were convinced that Mr Asbo was worse. Fortunately, it seems that since 2019 the Cam has been free from this menacing family of swans.

Following this discovery in the archives, I can’t help but feel my next stroll along the Cam will be somewhat tainted by the knowledge of these violent swans. Gracefully paddling past, swans have always seemed slightly menacing to me. With the tales of Mr Asbo now in mind, I’ll be keeping my wits about me.