It’s late afternoon, I’m rushing out of the Whale Cafe, coffee in hand, and find myself overhearing a group of three boys walking ahead of me. They’re discussing a points-based system in their college, which ranks women based on how much they want to have sex with them, and men based on who is having the most sex. After a minor confrontation, in which I expressed my unhappiness with what they were saying, I found out these men were students at Peterhouse.

In response to this vile expression of misogyny, I embarked on a feminist investigation into women and sex in Cambridge. In such a fast-paced environment, do women even have time for sex? Is whatever sex they’re having any good? Are sexually active women treated any differently than men (I think I know the answer to this one)? And is it all relationships, or has Hinge and hookup culture pervaded culturally prehistoric Cambridge?

“In such a fast-paced environment, do women even have time for sex? Is whatever sex they’re having any good?”

Armed with an anonymous Google form and quite an ability to overshare, I sought my answers. I’m no scientist, but I do think it’s worth discussing my method. I made a form, filled it with questions about sex, and (surprise, surprise) my form was taken down by Google for “explicit content” (oops). Google 1, Martha 0. Never one to back down, I made a new form and decided I’d use “dancing” as a euphemism for sex. As of now, the form is still alive and kicking – 1 point to Martha! Despite the small sample size, I think the results were very illuminating.

Every respondent to the form was a woman having sex with men. Of course, this is not to suggest that LGBTQIA+ women of Cambridge do not exist (I am a bisexual woman myself), but my sample group ended up being strictly heterosexual.

Have women found sex at Cambridge different from sex back home?

The consensus to this question was clear – casual sex is far more common here in Cambridge, and that comes with a lot more anxiety. One respondent stated, “The fact that in the Cambridge bubble, who you’ve slept with quickly becomes public knowledge opens girls up to slut shaming while, more often than not, boys are patted on the back for doing the same thing.” Clearly, there is a double standard at Cambridge, where women face more shame and judgement than their male partners.

“27% reported being sexually satisfied “rarely”.”

Another respondent seemed to agree, writing that “it is definitely more anxiety-inducing to sleep with people in Cambridge as it’s such a small place and word seems to travel so fast that it can be intimidating and also very off-putting.” She explained that “you run the risk of having your sex life talked about by rugby teams etc. and running into them at Sidg or Spoons is really unideal and definitely makes it harder to fully enjoy casual sex.” While not everyone has had it discussed by a rugby team, the experience of women being haunted by their sex lives in a way that men are not is almost universal.

Are the women of Cambridge involved in hook-up culture?

When a woman’s reputation is often shaped by who they have slept with, with 57% of respondents stating their sex life “quickly becomes public knowledge,” I wanted to know whether women were still having one-night stands. 63% of respondents answered that they had had a one-night stand since being here - even in Cambridge, hook-up culture is both real and enjoyed by women.

But how much was the sex actually enjoyed?

Does Cambridge, a university filled with overachievers, see this translated into the bedroom? Put simply: no. 54% of women reported orgasming during sex “sometimes; it’s a nice surprise”, while 27% reported being sexually satisfied “rarely”. Perhaps if the men of Cambridge spent a little less time making misogynistic league tables of who’s having sex with whom, and more time learning about women and their sexual needs, these stats would improve (I’m looking at you, men of Peterhouse).

How much sex are people actually having?

Here, I found no clear answer, with some individuals having sex daily, others weekly, some termly, and one response even stating, “first year was loose, but second year I don’t have time for the bullshit.” It is clear that the amount of sex women are having is changeable, even if the amount they are orgasming largely isn’t. So fear not if you are experiencing a dry spell, as the evidence suggests a flood is around the corner.

So, what are my conclusions?

Unfortunately, if I were to give the men of Cambridge an Ofsted rating, it would have to be “Requires Improvement.” Despite the presence of some hookup culture in Cambridge, prehistoric and unequal attitudes regarding men and women having sex still remain. I fear my Whale Café incident to be just one of many. And, alongside the observed anxiety that comes with casual sex in Cambridge, there is a notable lack of female orgasms. The male overachievers of Cambridge seem to be underachieving in one very significant area. Maybe they don’t realise that outside of exams, finishing First isn’t always best …