1. Dickens

When we think of Christmas, how many of us think of a Dickensian scene of falling snow, unwelcome ghosts, and London gloom? A Christmas Carol is as much a part of our notion of the festive season as presents, baubles or mince pies. We were all told the story as young children because it encapsulates good will triumphing over resentment, the importance of spending time with family and friends, and generosity over miserliness. If you don’t agree, well then you must be a bit of a Scrooge. Bah, humbug. However, 1992 added the only thing missing, that all important missing ingredient: Muppets. The Muppet Christmas Carol is everything that Christmas should be, and no one should pass the holiday season without watching it. It’s either that or watch Love Actually again. Your choice.

Patrick O’Grady

2. Crack a Joke!

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the New Year’s Eve party?

He had no body to go with.

3. Brussels Sprouts

Amidst all the overwhelming Christmas joy, one innocuous little vegetable seems to have become the scapegoat for all of our seasonally-repressed rage and hatred: the Brussels sprout. These perfectly formed cabbages in miniature are much-maligned without cause; made properly, they are almost delightfully bitter enough to make up for that most sinisterly faecal of vegetarian alternatives to turkey: the nut roast. Forget the stuffing, parsnips, and Christmas pudding: if Christmas dinner could revolve around a magnificent platter of these green balls of glory, I’d be more than satisfied. According to Wikipedia, they even prevent cancer, so why hate these philanthropic sprouts?

Rory Williamson

4. Christmas No.1

Not only is the Christmas No. 1 a British institution, the yearly completely misguided nostalgia for its standards is an arguably bigger one. For every ‘Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2)’ there’s Cliff bloody Richard. So perhaps the once-inevitable X Factor victory did kill the tension of whether Westlife or Bob the Builder was going to bound out onto the CD:UK stage and claim their rightful place as the people’s champion, but rarely did the best Christmas songs get to the top spot. My favourite? Tim Minchin’s ‘White Wine In The Sun’ – the sweetest, secular serenade to Christmastide you’ll ever hear, and as far from the top of the pops as possible.

Dominic Kelly

5. Crack a Joke!

Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?

He had low elf-esteem.

6. New Year’s Eve

The most stressful night of the year beckons. Thankfully it’s the last. For some reason, societal expectations have conditioned us such that spending time with a small group of one’s friends on NYE is categorically, emphatically a ‘crap’ evening and woe betide anyone who stays in with Jools Holland’s Hootenanny. This New Year’s Eve, I plan on repeating last year’s success: eating some good Chinese food with some friends and heading to a pub or two. The only disappointment last year was regarding the DJs’ overly harsh musical line: banning Rihanna on a Bank Holiday just isn’t in keeping with festive cheer.

Salome Wagaine

7. Conversation

We’re told every year that Christmas is horrible. Most of the moans we hear every year, whether on sitcoms or from our friends, focus around having to spend all that compulsory time with your family. I can absolutely sympathise with those people who genuinely don’t get on so well with their extended families: having to ignore a particularly racist grandmother with a smile on your face cannot be fun. But I would like to take the opportunity to celebrate just how amazing it is to have a Christmas dinner with a family whose conversation you treasure. A meal that lasts about four hours with approximately one bottle of wine per person and fourteen people who know each other incredibly well is as comfortable an experience as putting on an old glove under a duvet whilst drinking cocoa. Even when the meal inevitably descends into a Simpsons quotation contest, it’s still the celebration of people who enjoy spending time with each other.

Fred Maynard

8. Television

I can’t decide whether I love or hate Christmas TV.

Lewis Wynn

9. Carols

I sang in my church choir for ten years, including the awkward teenage years where nothing is less cool than wearing a cassock and squawking high notes, so I’ve sung more than my fair share of carols. 

Even though it’s exactly the same every year, it’s still the best time to be a singer. When else do you get lyrics that sound suspiciously like ‘most highly flavoured gravy’ or sing about Jesus Christ the apple tree? Plus, people actually come to hear you sing and you get given mince pies afterwards. That said, if we could get rid of ‘Away In A Manger’, I’d be a happy man.

Luke Sweeney

10. Decoration

Decking the halls in my house is a process of precision. As I lug the boxes from the attic and tear them open with glee (it’s Christmas again! Presents! Wrapping paper, ribbons and German biscuits!), I am told that “what comes up must come down”.  My Dad’s ex-military take upon the whole process places a slight dampener upon my childish mood as he continually asks why it is taking me so long to arrange baubles. It’s art, Dad, seriously. And no, tinsel is not allowed on this tree, as this year I am in control of tree decoration. As you can see, the Christmas holidays allow me to defuse from the stressful Cambridge perfectionism. Almost.

Sam Hunt

11. Jumpers

Why don’t more people wear Christmas jumpers? Bin those sexy Santa costumes and bring out a good old knitted jumper this Christmas. Go on, make your granny happy.

Naomi Pallas

12. Crack a Joke!

What did the grape do when it was stepped on?

It let out a little whine.

Patrick O’Grady