7:30pm
Time to stop working. Take no heed of the desks around you, laden with studious all-nighters; your shift of academia is done for the day.

7:37pm
One question to the Freshers 2K14 chat ‘Thoughts about tonight?’ and Messenger is getting active. Very active indeed. Shouts are flying in from all directions. The air is riddled with indecision, swaps, bops and formals. To Turf (and feign your edginess) or not to Turf? Lolas gets a look in but good old Cindies comes top as per; tradition should never be rejected.

8:15pm
The grapevine is hanging heavy with rumours that Tarquin is hosting pres (v. impromptu – classic Tarquin) at his. Now. Glistening from the sprint to his room (paranoid about FOMO) you get stuck right in, discussing the intricacies of Corbyn’s Christmas card with Tarquin’s pals whilst guzzling Sainsbury’s home-brand gin – what a bargain.

9:30pm
‘Bar?’ Ah, the routine text from the fresher who has taken it upon himself to uphold the collegiate community every night since fresher’s. It’s sort of endearing but secretly you wonder if he should talk to someone about getting out more. They say he never leaves.

10:20pm
Because it’s Cambridge and lectures call tomorrow morning, just as the ten o’clock news gets going it is officially time to head out. The queue makes Cindies look like Bieber’s world tour. A newfound confidence tells you the security guard thinks you’re very hot. Undoubtedly. It’s a sure way in. You sidle up to him, intensely fascinated by his life - how long are his hours, how old his daughter is, does he miss his wife, oh so sorry, you hope the divorce wasn’t too messy, no way, you’re a veggie too. All going swimmingly, a coy tap on the shoulder, wink in the direction of the door and you should be in…

10:39pm
You have been sent to the back of the queue. Ostracised from da crew and your not-so-loving security guard.Now standing next to some very imposing third years from Christ’s. Didn’t realise third years still venture to Cindies; tragic and beautiful all at once.

10:50pm
In and loving the 30 seconds of bangin tuuuunes. Making full use of your Cindies loyalty card, Jägerbombs slipping down nicely, throwing shapes in every direction, orchestrating mosh pits and generally creating good vibes. Yet to be pulled down from dominant dancing position on the tables. Loo trip with the gals, mandatory mirror photo amongst the other pouting lasses #justforthememories.

12:01am
Not going to last until The Circle of Life, Lion King style. Crew is heading to VOL. Order cheesy chips and bacon under the guise of Mohammed. Tell the VOL man how much his daughter has grown (according to the photo). Watch in appreciation as a fight over homemade chilli sauce commences. Sit down by WH Smith, strike a very random chord with a homeless man and his dog, who, like you, has a penchant for cheesy chips. He turns out to be very lonely and needs someone to talk to. You give him your number and tell him if he ever wants to chat you will always be there for him.

12:30am
In Life. Not quite sure how that happened or who you are with but twerking with NBF Pedro is getting you some serious appreciation on the dance floor.

1:03am
Out of Life and strutting through the quiet streets of Cambridge. Light bulb moment as you realise this is definitely the best time to embrace that Inner Cantabrigian in you. Punts. To Magdalene Bridge ASAP. Onto a wonderfully rocky vessel with Pedro and you really ARE Fry, Cromwell and Hawking all rolled into one, living the life.

1:42am
Quite damp.
Still living the life.
Pretty certain your lab partner from Clare would appreciate a visit; pop past the porters with a cheery familiar smile. Walk in on lab partner fast asleep. Inform him this is not acceptable, it is early and he needs to be more fun. Just because he is at Cambridge. Get into bed next to him (Pedro hops in too) – it’s all been pretty knackering. Congratulate yourself; you’ve made it past twelve which in ‘bridge is intensely hardcore. Remind yourself you only have to do this once a term to be considered hardcore.

Congratulate yourself again.