You know it’s not a must-see series, you know missing it won’t leave you ostracized from buttery chit-chat, when even the licentious, hyperbolic Red Tops can find no more sensationalist headlines for the programme’s scandals than: “Dane and Sov argue over a pear”.

This year, Celebrity Big Brother took the record 5.8 million viewers they lured in on launch night and battered and bore them down to one Katie Price. For once, Channel 4 hadn’t just chewed through a 1996 edition of Heat, thrown it back up, scraped together the spewings and served it to their viewers on a silver platter. They actually got some names that I recognised without my brother having to lead me through a trail of C-list celebrities to find them amongst the scraps and the dregs.

The producers have just lost their mojo when it comes to tactical evictions. First round came and with Heidi Fleiss departed CBB’s most faithful, dependable viewership – the Hollywood debauchees that desperately hung on every word that fled the collagen-laden lips of the woman who guards Hollywood’s most coveted Little Black Book.

The house has seen biblical storytime and tasks involving easels and paintbrushes. But when the sheen of Blue Peter bubblegum fun is stripped, and it transpires that it’s just an inflated condom masquerading as a makeshift balloon, storytime comes care of a tax fraudster resurrected as a Christian and the paintbrushes are busy outlining not some banal, harmless still life but rather a semi-naked Page 3 gutter wench. Welcome to the Big Brother house.

There’s one saving grace and she goes by the name Davina. Because, when the microphones failed us, Davina flagged up Baldwin’s greeting to Heidi – “I’ve seen you before”. Because Davina grilled Katia when she dumped Basshunter for his “dodgy jeans”. Because Heidi thinks Davina’s “hot”. Because Davina has L’Oreal hair and because there’s no other excuse left for watching CBB.