We’ve all been there: you’re stuck in your head, you made a mistake and you’re reverting back to the classic patriarchal conditioning of putting yourself down. It’s in these times - which have been frequent in Lockdown 3.0 - that I realise the beauty of my female friendships. They build me up, calm my nerves and tell me it will all be okay simply because they are there. And that’s without mentioning the built-in ice cream and memes…

I was warned before coming to Cambridge of the catty and competitive nature of the mysterious ‘Cambridge girl’. I was (reluctantly) prepared for there to be a veil of unfriendliness around college with everyone vying for top grades and throwing around passive-aggressive comments. However, I found that this construction could not be further from the truth. My time at uni has been shaped by female friendships and encounters with other women.

“My time at uni has been shaped by female friendships and encounters with other women”

Firstly, I have my three friends from home who started Cambridge with me. We are now scattered across colleges and rarely see each other beyond the odd monthly walk or coffee. Fortunately, the different level of ‘knowing’ someone that comes with the intimacy of time means that regardless of the movements of our daily lives, we will still drop anything when one of us needs. We have been and are fortunate to have each other; particularly in our first few months as intimidated freshers, when the intensity of college life and the general absurdities of Cambridge were particularly difficult to navigate. At the time, having familiar faces was truly a blessing, while the refuge of a far-away Medwards brunch often proved to be the respite I never knew I needed for when Emmanuel became overwhelming.

I also have a warm sense of pride in seeing my friends and I step into the second term of our second year. We now consider Cambridge ‘home’ as we have developed a whole new network of individual attachments, and yet we continue to maintain our original ‘home’ support system. Friendships will naturally change and mould. While not too long ago, I would have interpreted these adaptations as signs of demise, I now appreciate that they are simply a part of the beauty and endurance of fulfilling female friendships.

This is not to say that I neglect my male friendships. In fact, many of my close friends at college are males to whom I am greatly indebted for their kindness, humour and enduring support. Despite the fact that lots of them feel like long-lost brothers, there is something uniquely beautiful forged between women through our common struggles and resulting solidarity. The resistive power of coming together and supporting one another despite the atomising attempts of patriarchy foster relationships that become a part of one’s very sense of identity.

“There is something uniquely beautiful forged between women through our common struggles and resulting solidarity”

For example, my female Varsity friendships have definitely changed my understanding of myself. My Varsity friends are among the most resilient and talented people I know; and unlike preconceptions of the ‘Cambridge girl’, they motivate, challenge and hold me up. The guidance and supportive words of my friends have helped me to feel confident in my capabilities at times when I felt a strong sense of imposter syndrome. Even though many of us have only met in-person once or twice, the unbreakable bond of Microsoft Teams calls and joint stresses and successes have resulted in the making of genuine, good friendships.

Finally, I have a lot to thank my sisterhood at college for. We are together for all the intimacies of our lives; my friends cancel their plans to wipe away my tears, we binge watch Made in Chelsea together, share our Pret subscriptions, and dissect the correct response to a Tinder message for hours on end. Now, from within the confines of my room; with only the occasional FaceTime or Netflix party to bring us together, I’m realising that the true repositories of my love for Cambridge lie in these small, inconsequential moments with my friends. These are memories I don’t even really remember that clearly. Instead, they sit in my subconscious, imbuing Cambridge with a warm glow of happiness and comfort.

So thank you, Cambridge. You have allowed me to retain old friendships and provided a helping hand in creating new ones. And, to my female friends, thank you for ‘getting me’ and constantly bringing me up: I hope you know I’m right here to do the same for you.