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“My housemate is in a relationship and whenever they sneak off to be with their partner I get really sad about being single. How do I deal with this?”

Rowena

Looking at a relationship from the outside in can sometimes feel like it’s in the same subcategory of soul-destruction as being the only sober one pandering to your drunk friends’ whims on a night out. But why should this remain the case?! My advice would be to start thinking of this time as you time. Do whatever you want, however silly or small, and try to realise that your own happiness truly does lie in your own hands and no one else’s. Maybe there’s something your housemate hates – a certain series, or your cacophonous singing in the shower – which you can indulge in in this time. Perhaps you have a hobby you’d like to rekindle. Whatever that is, from reading to running to cooking to painting to literally any present participle under the sun: DO IT! I’ve found that I have dealt best with loneliness by pushing through with proactivity. This is personal, however. Have a nap if it’s what you *really* want. Go crazy, spoil yourself, push the boat out. After this period of time, when your housemate returns, you’ll hopefully be in a far more positive mindset! They’ll probably end up thinking you’re the lucky one, having all that time in which you can do whatever the hell you want.

“Try reaching out to friends more, invest your time in different people and be proactive with your time.”

Bob

As someone who only got into my first real relationship a year ago, trust me, I know how you feel! I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. That sense of loneliness is always hard to deal with and I can only imagine how much more it stings at the moment. My best piece of advice in this situation, as with most things, is communication! It can feel embarrassing or out-of-turn to communicate to someone that their actions are having an effect on you, but you shouldn’t anticipate how they will react. Until you communicate how you’re feeling to them, they won’t have any way of knowing, and then it’s up to them how they respond. In any case, you’ll definitely feel better for having permitted yourself to give space to your emotions. I know it’s easy to think that if you speak up they might react aggressively, but I’m sure they will only have your best interest at heart and would hate to think that their conduct is hurting you in any way, no matter how small that impact might be. Of course, your housemate is going to want to spend time with their partner, and if you can communicate your feelings to them then I’m sure you’ll be able to work out a system that works for both of you. That way, rather than feeling down on yourself, you’ll be able to feel even closer to your roommate, happy that they are able to enjoy a happy, loving relationship while respecting your feelings at the same time. And besides, the single life is a great time for self-nourishment, so enjoy it while it lasts!

Judy

Keep calm and enjoy every moment of life!

Don’t worry too much about not finding a lover. Dating someone should not be meant to tackle loneliness, it should be because you really attract each other and fall in love. Keep a clear mind about what kind of person would fit your criteria. Stick to the bottom line and principles of choosing a partner. (e.g. even if a guy is extraordinarily good-looking, if he has some habits that are unbearable for you, don’t date them!) If you start a relationship too quickly without careful considerations, it would bring you more pain than happiness. Your destined one will be waiting for you sometime in the future, so don’t be afraid of being alone at the moment.

Being single is not that bad! Not having someone intimate means that you’re freer. Your mood won’t be dictated by other people. Once you get into a relationship, you’re no longer entirely independent. If you have any conflict with your partner, maybe as simple as missing their call, your mood may fluctuate too much for you to focus on your deadlines. Also, you don’t have to change weekend plans to make compromises for your partner. Now is the chance to casually arrange your time and do something you like. Maybe you can pick up the musical instrument you used to play, learn something new on YouTube, improve your makeup skills, etc. By the time you become a better person, both inside and outside, the chance of finding the right one will increase.

Amber

The thing about young adult relationships is that, realistically, they don’t last. But that’s ok! What it means is that people end up going through the waves of being swept away in romance and being out on the prowl (or listening to Adele on repeat) at different times. It’s important to remember that this is your time to be single and embrace that! Try reaching out to friends more, invest your time in different people and be proactive with your time; fill your time so much that the thought of a partner is simply out of the question – you are just too busy and important! Having said that, living with someone in a relationship, especially in lockdown, can definitely be tricky. I would suggest having a chat with them. Perhaps ask them to let you know when they will be out in advance so you can plan something for yourself. I think you’ll find you feel less abandoned by your housemate if you’re able to dictate what you’re doing rather than waiting to see if they are around. They might just not realise that you feel lonely when they’re not there; so give yourself, and them, a chance to organise, organise, organise!