Do you have a question for the AskVulture team? Submit it anonymously at https://forms.gle/oPC14UQsbh8a3CQj7 – please note that if your submission gets selected, we will be publishing it as part of an article on Varsity Lifestyle – possibly with some edits for clarity.

“I feel so unattractive in Cam ... my friends and fam say that I’m pretty, but no-one is interested in me. It’s taking a toll on my mental health and self-esteem. What can I do to feel better about myself?”

Bob

Now I don’t want to sound cliché here, but it really is true that beauty does come from within. Trust me, I know what you mean about feeling like a small, weird-looking fish in a big, model-filled pond but you’ve got to believe me when I say this: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! It can feel strange to direct this kind of love towards ourselves, even though we have no trouble dishing it out in the club bathroom to the best friend we just made, but I can’t tell you how important it is to try to build these habits of self-love. There are lots of people who feel just like you – I know I did – but I found that focussing so much attention on my physical appearance in comparison to others was only ever going to eat away at my happiness. It took me some time to realise that beauty is not something you see; it’s something you feel. So by working on myself, on doing the things I enjoy, and on not being afraid to take ownership of the space I occupy, I became beautiful the more I saw myself as beautiful. And others notice it too. There is nothing more attractive than seeing someone happy in their own skin and taking total ownership of themselves, exactly the way they are.

Judy

Everyone can be pretty and charming if they find the way to sufficiently express themselves and accentuate their best features. Maybe you can search for some bloggers who share similar complexion or body shape with you on YouTube and Instagram. You can try to imitate their way of dressing and makeup at first, and you will get to know which style suits you best later on. If you’re not sure which clothes or makeup suits you better, you could ask family or close friends for recommendations. I’m sure that you will become much more confident when finding yourself looking so lovely in the mirror.

“It took me some time to realise that beauty is not something you see; it’s something you feel.”

However, what’s more important than dressing is to not undervalue yourself! Not having someone chasing after you doesn’t at all mean that you are not charming. Maybe it’s just because you haven’t met the one who is suitable for you and truly understands you. You are unique and worldly labels can’t define who you are.

Rowena

When I say that everyone has these days, I mean that everyone has these days. It’s so easy to look at other people, comparing yourself to what they have and what you don’t, but trust me, the people you compare yourself to probably feel just the same way and compare themselves to others too. It’s an endless cycle which doesn’t make anyone feel good – there are so many completely different ways to look good, and how you feel is infinitely more important than how you actually look. It’s funny how quick we are to compliment other people and yet how hesitant we are to compliment ourselves – let’s make this a thing! As well, I’d echo exactly what Bob said about beauty being something you feel. It comes from within, so maybe next time you get a little down about your appearance (and you won’t be alone, I promise), do something proactive to positively affect your mood – spend a little time doing a hobby you love, preparing a tasty meal for yourself, or go out on a walk to feel the lovely spring sunshine on your skin. You’ll be glowing in no time!

Amber

My grandmother always says I look a million times better when I smile and while that might be an irritating thing to hear when you are in a foul mood, it does make sense. How you feel about your appearance is so incredibly affected by how you feel more generally; if you are having a bad day, chances are you will find something wrong with your reflection that you would never normally notice (and I promise no one else ever does anyway). It can be a really difficult thing to navigate as the way you look can dictate how you feel and vice versa; but, try not to let your day be swamped by how you look, allow yourself to be happy and you might actually discover that the next time you look in the mirror you might approach your appearance in a more positive light. I also know that saying all of this is all well and good but it can be difficult to be cheery when you feel like everyone is noticing the thing you are most self-conscious about – even though chances are they have never even considered it. What I do when I feel like this is to try and distract myself (and other people) with something bold that makes me excited – so bright eye make-up, or my favourite jumper, or a snazzy jacket, etc – do something for you that makes you happy.