Aries

May week is a time for you to thrive socially, with more social gatherings giving you the opportunity to reconnect with old friends. You may experience difficulty with travel plans this month, so good thing Girton doesn’t have a May Ball. If you are at Girton… Good luck, I guess.

Taurus

Oh, Taurus, you are the only member of your friend group who will reliably be ready in time for that pre-ball taxi. This month you should avoid excessive spending. Fortunately, the May Ball tickets are already paid, so go get your money’s worth!

“Time to cut off your emotionally unavailable situationship for the summer”

Gemini

Happy Birthday, Gemini. This month you might be tempted toward impulsive actions. I see a lot of vomit in your future: beware of swings, carousels and mechanical bulls.

Cancer

After your academic weapon era this month, you may experience a series of romantic encounters. Unfortunately, you will also experience a series of heartbreaks. Keep your chin up, Cancer: time to cut off your emotionally unavailable situationship for the summer.

Leo

While the urge to take over steering the punt will be strong, your complete lack of experience, coordination and balance will be stronger. Is that dip in the Cam really worth the momentary glory of spinning your friends around in circles for five minutes?

Virgo

After successfully using your organisational skills to just barely coordinate a group chat of shockingly uncooperative adults, your May week plans are finally set. Just don’t let your perfectionist tendencies get in the way of spontaneity. This month will be a time of increased physical vitality for you, so enjoy punting, swimming and dancing the night away.

“Remember: whatever you do, do not get too drunk at your subject garden party”

Libra

This week may be a chaotic time for you. When encountering problems, you may be compelled to take outside counsel, such as spurious amateur horoscope columns. Rely on your own experiences and intuition for answers to ensure success.

Scorpio

Avoid excessive spending and stay out of your overdraft, you fiscally responsible legend. Remember: whatever you do, do not get too drunk at your subject garden party if you want to maintain a modicum of professionalism with your DoS.

Sagittarius

June will bring unexpected figures from your past. Probably that one person you met in Fresher’s Week and never spoke to again. Let’s hope they don’t remember anything you said or did at that time in your life.

Capricorn

After a challenging month with a high workload, you can finally take some time to relax. This is also a good time for you to develop professional relationships. Embrace your villain arc and become a LinkedIn fiend. Just make sure you have some fun while you network.

Aquarius

This is sure to be a creative and fulfilling time for you. The stars say you might experience health problems, i.e. perpetual hangover, ruined sleep schedule and/or mysterious Cam water related sickness. However, the stars are notorious liars, so don’t let me control your life.

Pisces

This is a bad time to make new acquaintances. Avoid speaking to strangers. Instead, spend some time with your college family this week. I know you promised you would be less absent than your college parents and I’m sure your kids will forgive you for ignoring them since Michaelmas.