So, you’re a humanities student, you’ve forgotten (or couldn’t be bothered to make) your packed lunch, and you find yourself cold and alone in the brutalist wonderland of the Sidgwick Site. One question remains: where should you go for lunch? Well, dear reader, allow me to present you with some guidance on the choices that lie ahead of you.

ARC Café – Frequently ravaged by long queues, the ARC café is the boring go-to of Sidge. With boring sandwiches, semi-reasonable prices, standard coffee, and, of course, jacket potatoes, the ARC is a very standard option that my granny would definitely frequent – 5/10.

Sidgwick Buttery – Although suspiciously similar to the ARC on the outside, on the inside it is filled with delicious pesto flatbreads, sausage rolls and lovely staff, with a slightly less crusty seating arrangement. I have deducted one point for the disappearance of their pasties - 6/10.

“Harvey’s Coffee House – Bougie, millennial, truly delightful, incredibly nice”

Harvey’s Coffee House – Bougie, millennial, truly delightful, incredibly nice. Much nicer sausage rolls than the Buttery and truly delightful staff. The only thing to say is that it feels like a real café, which in a review of cafés is, admittedly, a low bar. Truly a delight! However, the eye-watering prices and extremely busy seating arrangements do leave me slightly less enamoured – 9/10.

IRIS Café – In my view they’re trying a bit too hard to be the bougie option - you cannot out-bougie Harvey’s! At the end of the day, it is still a college café, but quite a nice one. I only have a few concerns: namely, croutons are not a sufficient replacement for bread rolls as a side for soup. Secondly it is very very expensive for what you get – if you are not a Newnhamite – though the focaccias are very tasty. 8/10.

Selwyn Hall – Hmmm, it looks nice, but really is not. It is surprisingly expensive and they give you unsatisfyingly small portions. I have thoughts about their tea and coffee system. To access a tea or coffee you have to ask the person at the till, who then leaves the till and makes the tea/coffee, whilst holding up the entire line in the process and making you, the paying customer who just wants a tea/coffee, the bad guy who’s stopping everyone eating their lunch. Who came up with this mad system? I do not know, but, combined with the meh food, this means Selwyn can only be a 4/10.

“You would have to be slightly odd to leave Sidge, remove all of your bags for airport-style security checks, and then sit down for some nice lunch in the UL Café”

Queen’s Hall – Arguably not a Sigde lunch, but I think it deserves an Honourable Munchion. Once you have passed the ever-protective porters and their large glass door of doom, this is quite a nice canteen-style lunch. It is very reasonably priced and has a lovely conveyor belt system where your dirty tray is whisked away into the ether. Overall, pretty darn good – 7/10.

UL Café – Again, you would have to be slightly odd to leave Sidge, remove all of your bags for airport-style security checks and then sit down for some nice lunch in the UL Café, but maybe you should! It is very very overpriced; however, they have got some lovely stuff, notably pies and pretty good soup, and the crisps that come with everything are also a bonus. Definitely a hidden gem (well, not really that hidden, and arguably not a gem because of how expensive it is... so maybe more of an ‘obvious pebble,’ but nice nonetheless) – 6/10.

West Hub (Whub) – So, this is not a Sidge lunch, and you’ll be surrounded by CompScis, so take that into account whilst you make the long journey there. On the other hand, there is some very nice fish and chips available, and it gives you a great insight into what an actual Sidge canteen could look like. It also gives you a great insight into where the university is spending all of your hard-borrowed tuition fees (hint: not on humanities). 5/10.

So, there you go. I suspect you all knew that Harvey's is nice but expensive, but I hope this has been of some use for starving humanities students the world over. Don't just haunt the ARC or Buttery queues - go explore the world! See the sights! And have a marginally nicer sausage role than the university catering service can provide.