I hate to admit it, but I’m one of those people who refuses to use TikTok, yet spends just as much time on social media as everyone else. And yes, this does mean I’m always several months – or, in this case, years – behind on trends. I’m talking about @ramalauw’s audio ’Am I better than everyone? ’, which satirises the experience of doing small things that make you feel superior while having practically zero impact… don’t rub it in.

Whether buying oat milk or reading a book in public, there will always be that voice in your head revelling in how others must perceive you. But what if I sought out such experiences? Would the satisfaction endure or would my insides crawl? I decided to dedicate a day to this question while on my year abroad in Paris.

“There will always be that voice in your head revelling in how others must perceive you”

My first task was to go grocery shopping. Since escaping the trauma of A-level music, I’d barely touched a symphony or sonata. However, I chose to soundtrack my walk to Carrefour with Mendelssohn and Debussy to gain superiority points. Did I suddenly feel a cut above the other pedestrians? Not exactly. But I did feel like the main character of a movie. This part of the experiment will certainly be carried forward into my daily life.

What I will not be continuing is my decision to wait until the green man at every pelican crossing. Rather than feeling superior, I felt awkward and impatient. My route started being determined by which lights turned green, significantly increasing the length of my journey.

Any superiority I gained was also thoroughly undermined by my purchasing of all own-brand items (except soy sauce, which I made sure to flaunt), and needing to rush back from the self-checkout to weigh my vegetables. These I placed at the top of my own bag to ensure people knew I was healthy and environmentally conscious. Yet, ultimately, nothing could change the fact that a) no one cared and b) numerous snacks lurked beneath.

To feel extra good about myself, I decided to visit the library on a Saturday. Of course, I forgot that not everyone is on their year abroad – most people have actual degrees to do – so the library was full when I arrived. Moreover, it’s very difficult to prove yourself among people who have made the same decision as you.

“Not everyone is on their year abroad – most people have actual degrees to do”

I intended to read on the train. However, as it was jam-packed, I opted instead to stare into the distance as if contemplating deep thoughts. I resisted looking at my phone, boarded the ideal carriage for the exit I wanted, and even shamed someone into relinquishing their fold-down seat.

Unfortunately, I also almost toppled an older woman in my rush to disembark, and leapt onto my second metro with seconds to spare, despite arriving well on time. At least I got to reread a page of my book I’d already read during the short second half of my journey…

Striding past tourists, I made sure to hide my excitement upon seeing the Panthéon. Today, I was a proper Parisian. My library session was productive (I started writing this article) but the resulting satisfaction hardly came from the perception of others. Afterwards, I tried looking sophisticated by drinking coffee and reading a newspaper (an image slightly spoiled by the number of words I had to look up on my phone).

“I almost toppled an older woman in my rush to disembark the train”

Flaunting my healthiness again, I chose to cycle home. Finding a rental bike that actually worked certainly had me asking, ’Am I better than everyone? ’, as did fully kitting myself out in gloves, a helmet and a high-vis jacket (thankfully, I wasn’t mistaken for a gilet jaune). Yet, the operation to get into such a state of superiority was far from elegant, especially as my bag contained a bulky external keyboard.

One advantage of this experiment was that it got me to practise guitar in my window. Given that it was a weekend, and my apartment is surrounded by offices, I doubt I was seen. Thankfully, my enjoyment of guitar does not rely on the approval of others, making this a highlight of my day.

My quest for superiority concluded with me turning my nutritious ingredients from earlier into a tasty curry, listening to a podcast and watching a documentary. All in all, this challenge exposed me to some great culture, encouraged me to eat healthily and maybe even saved my life (who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t stopped at all those red lights?). Reading, cycling, playing instruments: these are all good things. But shouldn’t we be doing them for ourselves rather than to look good in front of others?

This experiment was an important reminder that strangers don’t care – about your achievements or your blunders. It’s ok not to always be on top form (even if that means spending five minutes shoving a keyboard into your bag). While there’s nothing wrong with feeling slightly proud whenever you read in public, you should never live your life for the imaginary approval of strangers.