Christmas is intense. Burnt out after Michaelmas, you’re forced into bad jokes, board games, and bemused looks from family who understand you just a little less now. This is especially true for queer students. With the freedom to explore and express ourselves disappearing from our sight on the train home, it’s easy to think you’ll never survive the holidays. But I’ve compiled my top tips to help you retain your queer sparkle over the festive period. 

‘So, have you got a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?’ After spending Michaelmas surrounded by those who don’t assume your sexuality – or at least know what the carabiner on your jeans really means – it can be difficult to be confronted with family barking up the wrong tree. But there are a few ways you can handle it.

“You’re not just dating Andy from Clare, you’re dating Andrew Karađorđević, Prince of Yugoslavia”

My personal favourite is lying. Pick the most gorgeous person on Instagram and tell your family they’re your talented, intelligent, and (most importantly) heterosexual partner. And you can go as big as you want. You’re not just dating Andy from Clare, you’re dating Andrew Karađorđević, Prince of Yugoslavia (unfortunately, he died in 1990 after attending Cambridge in the 40s, but you get the point). Whoever will impress your family, they’re the one – but they live hopelessly (and conveniently) far away. Thinking long term, a devastating breakup in Easter will provide the perfect excuse to avoid your family after Lent term. 

If your acting abilities aren’t up to scratch, you can always deny it, no matter whether you have a partner or not. It may feel initially like a disservice to your queerness to avoid engaging with these questions, but it’s not. Christmas isn’t always about making grand political statements; sometimes it’s just about getting through.

Nevertheless, the Christmas break is the most common time for people to come out to their family. You may find yourself wondering whether now is the right time.

As you’ll have seen on Instagram accounts covered in Canva pride flag illustrations and run by blue-haired teenagers, coming out is a “very personal journey.” That means it should happen on your terms in your time. Unfortunately, that’s an idealisation. You might come out because of a slip of the tongue when telling a story, or because your dad outright asks you. However it happens, prepare yourself for the fact that your coming out story will neither be as cinematic, nor as heart-warming as you hope. 

“There isn’t anything wrong with staying in the closet this season”

This can be especially true if you are trans or non-binary. Coming out can be exhausting, requiring you to delve into the intricacies of gender as if it’s an HSPS supervision. But remember: this isn’t a supervision. You aren’t being assessed on how well you can explain gender to your grandma; in fact, you aren’t even required to. Christmas comes with a lot of obligatory family time, so if avoiding distressing or emotional topics will help you manage, then there isn’t anything wrong with staying in the closet this season.

If you do decide to come out, remember your uni friends are only at the end of the phone. A tear-soaked FaceTime isn’t the same as a MASH smoking area hug, but it helps. And if you haven’t fostered a queer crowd, there’s always Facebook. For all its issues, Queerbridge II can be a genuinely supportive environment when it needs to be. If you ditch micropolitical hot takes for honest outpourings this Christmas, you’d be surprised at the amount of people willing to offer support and guidance anonymously.

If you’re anticipating that home will be a difficult place for your queerness, my best advice is to look elsewhere. There are plenty of examples of festive queer joy to be found beyond the four walls of your childhood bedroom, or even within it. Take the classic cheesy Christmas movie: nobody ever said holiday movies had to be heterosexual. 

2009’s Make the Yuletide Gay follows an out-and-proud gay man who returns to the closet to survive Christmas with his family – topical, right? But as one Rotten Tomatoes review describes it, this movie is 'a light, fluffy holiday movie that makes you happy.' An unexpected visit from his boyfriend is humorous, rather than heartbreaking.

Netflix’s Single All The Way depicts a gay singleton who, desperate to avoid his parent’s incessant questioning, convinces his best friend to pretend to be his boyfriend for the holidays. I’m sure you can guess how that ends.

The point is, while you're indulging in Quality Street, you can also indulge in escapism. Going home for the holidays can be tough as a queer person, but don’t lose sight of the fact that being queer isn’t coal in your stocking. It’s a gift, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.