Little is treated with the same veneration as a night out. Cosseted between anticipatory pres and overindulgent afters, it reaches reverential status in a student’s life. But, often the telling and retelling of an event surpasses its reality – or at least, as is often the case in Middle H-floor kitchen. Yap signal cast in the sky, panel summoned for discussion and debate, the debrief begins. Sitting sprawled across whatever available seating, gasping, flailing, spraying tea at the latest salacious story… I must reluctantly admit the only reason I do anything interesting these days is so that I can tell the girls about it afterwards. In a world of mystifying situationships and clammy revs nights (while Nutella sandwiches remain ever-loved, perhaps handing out mini-deodorants to club-leavers would be the greater charity) there is only one enduring certainty: that the gang will congregate to gossip after it’s all been endured. Hinge dates come and go: the group chat is eternal. For those unacquainted with the pastime, I’ve compiled a shortlist of my top 5 favourite Night Out Debrief situations (because Lifestyle loves a list):

“Hinge dates come and go: the group chat is eternal”

1. The Toilet debrief

Bounce before someone can tell you to ‘Go Piss Girl! ’, and ensure to cram the whole gang into one stall.

2. Prinks (pre drinks) chats

Debriefs that anticipate the debriefing to come.

3. Pre-lecture snippet

Your friend, scarf-clad, entreats to use the concealer in your bag, you raise an eyebrow at each other and spend the next 50 minutes in anticipation.

4. Next day extravaganza

The cornerstone of this list, yet not always the most pleasurable – this one reaches unforeseen heights of micro-analysis, but its enjoyment depends largely on the horror of your actions the night before.

5. Over garlic cheese chips/Taco bell/Van of Life

An unnecessary expense perhaps – but while the food may be sobering, at least the conversation isn’t.

“Painful moments become somewhat bearable, and individual stories are transformed into collective lore”

But of course, a debrief need not be limited to alcohol-based activities. The beauty of the practice is its versatility. Regardless of which discussion topic, post ERG or post essay crisis alike, the debrief soothes individual panic by collective reassurance. That is the pharmaceutical power of the exchange – chaos is restructured into narrative, baffling/painful/mortifying moments become somewhat bearable, and individual stories are transformed into collective lore.

The above list, of course, wouldn’t have been possible without the contributions of my debriefing committee; a group meeting was required to clarify the ranking of group meetings. And perhaps therein lies the crux of the article – I worry I overly depend on the group debrief; I am opinion-less without them, vacant and ineffective. In those quiet moments before the troops rally for deliberation, I suspend all critical thinking, I await forthcoming wisdom.

But in such cases, perhaps it is important to approach the debrief with a degree of awareness of the biases at play. While your friends may not agree with your every action, their enduring loyalty to you will skew their reaction to any story. Though you may have been somewhat in the wrong, your friends will provide the all-important service of heroising you and villainising the other. I think it’s essential, in such cases, to pioneer The Truthful Debrief ™, and call your friends out when they’re acting whack. That way, when the fateful, tear-stricken ‘I should’ve seen this coming’ debrief arrives, your friends can skip over their well-intentioned, but unfaltering lie of ‘we never could’ve predicted this’ and more genuine conversations can be had. Shooting the breeze, flapping the gums, yapping, jabbering, blathering: small talk – it’s big to me.

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