The Cambridge term is back in full swing, and that means it is time to reacquaint yourself with the (meagre) wealth of student nightlife the city has to offer. So, rally your nearest and dearest companions, and get pre-drinking. But first, there is nothing more suited to getting drunk than a good old bit of self-discovery (or at least pop psychology).

First things first - when should the pres begin?

a) Exactly 2.5 hours before leaving for the club

b) After you’ve sorted yourself some dinner

c) 10 minutes before its time to leave

d) ASAP - as long as it’s dark outside, it’s free game, right?

What is your pres soundtrack?

a) A carefully curated playlist that gradually increases in bpm proportionately to your growing inebriation

b) Your everyday playlist will do the job

c) You usually leave it up to others – anything is fine with you

d) SingKing Karaoke and the sheer force of your own vocal chords

What are you drinking?

a) A cocktail that took longer to make than it did to drink

b) Squadka

c) Trusty vodka and diet coke

d) Shots!

Where will the night take you?

a) Trailer of Life

b) At an afters at someone else’s college

c) Tucked up in bed by 1am

d) You wish you could tell

What time will you be up tomorrow?

a) 8:30am, with just enough time to make it to lectures

b) A respectable 9:30am

c) 10am

d) Not until early afternoon if you can help it

If you picked mostly A: The Over-Organiser

You’ve just acquired a bona-fide cocktail shaker, and you’ll be damned if you don’t get to use it. To you, the pres are the main event, and you’ve planned for it accordingly. Five different spirits? Check. A bluetooth speaker? Absolutely. You are the friend that ensures everyone actually adheres to the theme of whatever event you’ll be attending. Some may say despot, I say born-leader. You may be a bit neurotic about it all, but it is your hard labour that allows the rest of us to simply turn up and have a good time. We salute you.

If you picked mostly B: The Seasoned Clubber

You mastered the art of pre-drinking long before that first claustrophobic foray into Vinyl back in Freshers’, and years of experience have trained you well. You know exactly how to hit that sweet spot between slightly tipsy and blackout drunk, and only you can embark on a drunken climb up Castle Hill and live to tell the tale at your 10am lecture the next morning. You know what you like, and your conduct at pres reflects this – you can be thrifty with your drink options, and know exactly which brand of squash will convert your Glens’ into Grey Goose.

If you picked mostly C: The Reluctant Friend

You spend half of the pres tapping on and off of Facebook and debating whether you should sacrifice your club ticket to the Ticketbridge masses. Eventually, though, you are taken in by the insistent whispers of your friends. ‘It will be fun’, they assure you. ‘You’ll regret it if you don’t come along’, they promise. And they will be right: the 20 minutes you last before heading back to college will be a lot of fun. But that episode of The Traitors and mug of sleepytime tea you’re returning to? They will be pure bliss.

If you picked mostly D: The Fallen Soldier

Let’s face it: you’re not making it to the club tonight. Ever the enthusiast, you are prone to ‘sampling’ each of your friends’ drinks a little too enthusiastically, and checking out before you’ve even passed Plodge. That doesn’t mean you don’t give a good go of it – you are the first to suggest a drinking game, or load up the karaoke on Youtube. No one does Rizzle Kicks like you do, babe. Just please, try for some moderation next time.