Having escaped assigned seating charts and worries over who to sit with at lunch, it is so much easier to be content with your own company at uni. In a time of life where we relish independence, making friends now seems like a lot of charm and a little luck. But, making and keeping friends is a skill, and like a muscle you have to warm it up and stretch it out (even when it hurts). So yes, the time of situational friendships is over, but you (lucky you) now get to choose your friends. Realising that I’d taken being part of a college cohort to an extreme, I decided to begin my adventures into awkward friend-to-be dates, catch-ups at the club, and pinky swearing that we’ll get coffee soon. I used to think I didn’t know how to make friends as they had fallen into my lap, but it is now safe to say that I’ve mastered branching out, and I’m now ready to impart my wisdom onto others:

“I decided to begin my adventures into awkward friend-to-be dates, catch-ups at the club, and pinky swearing that we’ll get coffee soon”

1. Taking the first step

Whether you’re naturally outgoing, or the thought of introducing yourself gives you a rash, taking the first step is always the hardest part. I’ve learned that most people are just as nervous as you are, even if they don’t show it. So, why not break the ice? Sometimes, all it takes is a shared grumble about a particularly tough assignment, or a comment about the weather to open the door to a conversation. Start small: start a conversation with your supo partner or text that person you keep bumping into.

2. Mastering the art of small talk

Small talk gets a bad rep but is a really fun game once you know the rules. Avoid the “Do I know you?”s and instead embrace the awkwardness of half-acquaintances. Whether it’s a friend of a friend, someone you’ve seen in your lectures, or a person you vaguely recognise from the gym, chances are you already have something in common. If all else fails, you can always moan about your degrees together. People love talking about themselves, showing genuine interest goes a long way in making people feel comfortable. Small talk is all about making a lot of a little. What have you seen in cinemas recently? Did you sleep in and have a disastrous morning? Do you have a really eccentric supervisor? Anything can be a funny anecdote!

3. Ask, ask, ask

Inviting yourself to things feels so awkward, but I promise you that it’s not as big of a deal as you think. The more the merrier is usually the answer, and if it isn’t, no big deal! Rejection is part of putting yourself out there. But asking isn’t just about invitations. Ask them how they’re doing, ask about their coursework, their hobbies, their friends. Remembering little details, like what they did over Christmas or what modules they’re taking, shows that you are listening. If you want to catch up, suggest grabbing lunch, visiting a new coffee shop, or exploring a new Cambridge nook. If someone has to take the initiative, why can’t it be you?

“If all else fails, you can always moan about your degrees together”

4. Do, do, do

Actions speak louder than words: if you’re going to ask your friends what they’re up to, you have to show up for them. Of course you are busy too, you’ll never be able to come to everything. Showing up is offering to cook dinner if they’ve had a long day or walking with them between appointments if they’re busy. Doing can be inconvenient and fruitless, but being willing to take that time away is the key to keeping new friends.

5. Have fun

My advice is all well and good, but in the end it’s all about having fun. Who makes you laugh, who makes you feel good, who lets you step out of your comfort zone? Although I will always need my loudly announced me-time before bed, the hours spent chatting with flatmates in the hallway, discovering a new bit of Cambridge, or silent moments in the library as we battle through our degrees together are what really make friendships. And remember: it gets easier with practice. The more you put yourself out there, the more natural it becomes. You are funnier, more interesting, and more charming than you think. Trust me.

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