The beginning of university is a time of self-discovery. How many hours of sleep do you really need to be functional? Which kinds of alcohol can you mix without your body quickly staging a protest? Is it worth giving ballroom dancing a go, or is your dignity more important?

Amid these questions and trying to find answers, I had an unexpected revelation at the beginning of my first year: I really need people. Through most of my teenage years, I was under the impression that I was some kind of low-key introvert, but this belief was quickly put under strain after freshers week. The beauty of that time had been that there were timetabled activities every single day and evening; there was no risk of me languishing in my room alone, because all I had to do was consult a handy document to figure out where a gathering of people would be. As soon as this structure was taken away, there was a feeling of “what I do now?” The sickening realisation that I would now have to go through the unspeakable humiliation of texting people I had just met and asking them if they wanted to hang out.

“The fact that I could shut the door of my new room in college and be really and truly by myself was a very frightening reality”

My new number one fear became spending an evening by myself. This may sound like I suffer from some kind of extreme phobia of confronting my own thoughts, but this isn’t the case. I still went on walks alone during the daytime, but what struck dread into my heart was the prospect of sitting alone in my room in that vast expanse of time between dinner and any kind of respectable bedtime without anyone to talk to. Which led me to another important realisation: I had never really understood what it was to be alone. Growing up in a house shared with two parents, three siblings and a dog, I had only ever had the illusion of solitude given by shutting my bedroom door and putting my headphones in. I had known that there was almost always someone right there in another room, who I could speak to if I wanted. The idea of eating my meals by myself seemed alien to me. The fact that I could shut the door of my new room in college and be really and truly by myself was a very frightening reality.

This is in no way meant to make people who do genuinely enjoy their alone time feel strange. Nor is it meant to irritate those who have to spend their evenings in the library because of their workload (sorry, Engling here). It is, however, meant to make anyone who struggled with the same fear feel a little less, well, alone. We don’t really talk about being lonely at university, and even admitting it might be a problem feels embarrassing. Everyone assumes your experience will be an exciting whirlwind from day one, full of people who will naturally become life-long friends. Happily, I can say my own experience hasn’t been too far from off this, but I realise I have been very lucky. I consider it an enormous privilege that I can now safely assume that I will have someone to hang out with or something to do on any given night. But, I do still have an urge to fill my week with plans to avoid any possibility of empty (and lonely) space.

“We don’t really talk about being lonely at university, and even admitting it might be a problem feels embarrassing”

So, for any first years struggling with a fear of being alone, I know how hard it can be, especially if you’re used to having family around. I promise it does get much easier as friendships get more established and comfortable. The era of feeling like you’re constantly bothering people with desperate pleas for companionship will end. If like me, you’re only now discovering how much of a people person you are, then welcome to the party. With time, I am sure you will find like-minded people, and you can solemnly swear that none of you will ever have to eat dinner and watch a film alone and then go to bed. Instead, you can eat dinner and watch a film together and then go to bed.

And if that isn’t comforting enough for you, remember that back in the day it was so much worse. My mum told me that before people had phones and could text each other, they had to just walk into a communal space and see who was there. Doesn’t that sound just awful?

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