The first weekend of College Football action has been and gone and now we can begin to assess just how badly St John’s will do this year and begin to estimate how many goals Queens’ IIs will concede come February (triple digits?)

The opening weekend has already called into question my unbiased preseason predictions, although thankfully, Fitzwilliam still have a 100% record after one game – that prediction still stands. At the other end of the table however Churchill have made a mockery of my attempt to condemn them to relegation based on Hill college hatred by securing the stand out result of the opening weekend, a comfortable victory over St John’s. Champions Downing started their season with full the intention of replicating Barclays Premier League champions Chelsea and in that respect, they too have gotten off to an excellent start, by losing 3-1 to potential dark horses Jesus. Trinity Hall lost out at home to Selwyn, whilst Queens’ First team came out on top in a thriller against Gonville and Caius to kick off their campaign with a win. Nice.

In the Second Tier, Queens’ IIs had a tricky afternoon as they shipped nine goals against a rampant Girton, who were clearly taking no pity on the poor Queens’ nomads – what a waste of a cab fare to get there. Remarkably, this is only the second longest trip in the Division – with Homerton having to travel to Girton later on in the season in what is known as the “fuck off this is far” derby. Elsewhere, King’s started where they left off last season under the stewardship of former Varsity Sports Editor Zack Case, with a crushing defeat, whilst St Catherine’s incredibly managed a win and Emma lost at home to Trinity.

(It’s not all bad for this newspaper though – current Varsity Sports Editor Angus Satow’s Magdalene side recorded their first win for two years - belated.)

 

Premier League:

 

St John’s 0-3 Churchill

CHURCHILL: Weller, Berridge-Dunn, Athwal

The result in this fixture has already torn up my (somewhat biased) prediction that Churchill would struggle this year, as they put John’s to the sword in a comfortable 3-0 away win. The visiting Hill college put in an excellent performance, taking all three goals in the opening 45 minutes. A bright start culminated in a Weller opener, before Berridge-Dunn latched onto a Rolph cross to double the lead. John’s looked to be gaining a foothold into the game but that proved to be short lived, as Ajeet Athwal added Churchill’s third, wrapping up the points before the half-time oranges. John’s in the second half failed to break Churchill down, leaving the home side and reigning Cuppers champions with nothing to take from the game - a result which now begs the tantalising question -could this be a tough season for the College we all love to hate? Churchill meanwhile overcame the only team to have beaten them since the 2013-2014 campaign, and as Churchill captain Berridge-Dunn pointed out, this looks to be the first Churchill victory over John’s since online records began. Not a bad way to start.

 

Pembroke 3-4 Fitzwilliam

PEMBROKE: Berenson-Barros (x2), Gayne

FITZWILLIAM: Rutzler (x2), Hepp, Fassenot

Pembroke and Fitzwilliam were both backed as potential front-runners for this season’s campaign and they certainly put on a show in this seven goal thriller. Fitz had a goal ruled out early on (in controversial circumstances, if I do say so myself - since I scored it) before Pembroke seized the lead shortly afterwards, courtesy of the excellent Berenson-Barros prodding home from close range. But thereafter Fitz reasserted themselves, pulling level before the break through Rutzler who nipped in after a defensive misunderstanding. In the second half, the visitors seemed to have secured all three points with goals from Rutzler and débutants Hepp and Fassenot, leaving the away side comfortably 4-1 up with ten minutes to go. But Pembroke didn’t rest on their laurels and fought back superbly as Fitz wavered, reducing the deficit quicker than a George Osborne wet dream through Gayne and Berenson-Barros, but only just falling short of a remarkable comeback. A great game for the neutral, but a great result for Fitz to kick off the new Michal Roniek (sponsored by the Isaac Newton) era.

 

Downing 1-3 Jesus

DOWNING: Sawyer

JESUS: Odling, Ashmead, Potten-Ravenshad

Reigning champions Downing got off to disappointing start as they fell to defeat against dark horses Jesus, their first league loss for over a year having finished all of last season unbeaten. Jesus took a 1-0 lead into the half time interval courtesy of a 25 year screamer, before doubling their lead through what Downing captain James Lawrence describes as a “dubious penalty”. The points were sealed with a goal five minutes from time. Downing grabbed a consolation late on through Sawyer, but they were unable to prevent Odling, Ashmead and the wonderfully named Potten-Ravenshad from taking home all of the spoils. The result again casts doubt on my pre-season predictions, with Jesus sending out an early statement that they could be a force to be reckoned with. Downing meanwhile may be feeling ‘Down-ing the dumps’ after this one, but will hope to improve next time out in their showdown with Cuppers runners up Pembroke. Meanwhile, I hope to improve in my punning.

 

Trinity Hall 1-3 Selwyn

SELWYN: Portela, Hawes, Massey

In a tightly contested fixture Selwyn claimed all three points over Trinity Hall in what could have great ramifications for the eventual bottom half of the table if my predictions are anything to go by (at this stage it’s all we have to go on). Selwyn took the lead from the spot just seconds after the kick off through debutant Portela, before Hawes and fellow new boy Massey also got in on the act. Selwyn captain Alex Thompson reserved special praise for his predecessor Matt Sullivan for his industry in midfield, singling him out as man of the match (aww cute). Trinity Hall, champions of what may seem an age ago now for their loyal supporters (only two years), look set for the long slog this time out. Selwyn will be pleased to notch their first points on the board – how well they will fair should be easier to decipher when they play Pembroke in two weeks’ time.

 

Queens’ 4-3 Gonville and Caius

QUEENS’: Marshall (x2), Farrar, Dixon

CAIUS: Marsden, Sorrell (x2)

This fixture was billed as a potential relegation six-pointer and it proved to be another thriller. In true college football style, it was a game of two very different halves. Caius took the lead but it was Queens’ who would dominate the opening exchanges, with goals coming from two neat finishes from Marshall, a Farrar header from a corner and an ‘audacious’ chip from Dixon leaving the newly promoted side 4-1 up at the interval. But Caius didn’t capitulate, they rallied in the second half and it became one-way traffic when they managed to grab a goal back early on. In the end they fell one short, missing a glorious opportunity late on. A big three points for Queens’ and the ideal way to start the season in the top flight – next up for them is a trip to Oxford Road to face Fitzwilliam, a game that will truly test their strength. Caius meanwhile will take heart from their late push and will hope to carry that over into their next fixture, where they will host Jesus.

 

Division Two

King’s 0-5 Robinson

ROBINSON: Bougeard (x4), Sibley

Varsity man Zack Case had a tough afternoon on his debut as King’s captain as he sought to arrest their slide from last season, only to face a strong Robinson outfit who managed to put away five, four of which owed to the goal-scoring exploits of Bougeard. Despite the resounding score-line the game was a relatively even one, and King’s ultimately would be let down by their lack of substitutes. The first half was a particularly even affair, with only a goal courtesy of deflection from a corner separating the sides at the half time whistle. The second half was very much as you were in the opening exchanges, with King’s almost going grabbing an equaliser only to be denied by an excellent save from Harrison. However a lack of fitness - and more poignantly substitutes - meant that King’s began to tire, and Robinson took full advantage catching the home side quickly on the counter, putting them to the sword to leave the final score 5-0 to the visitors. While Robinson captain Morino may bemoan his side’s lack of shin pads, it is an undoubtedly strong start to the season for the newly promoted side. It looks like it could be a long season for Zack.

 

Girton 9-0 Queens’ IIs

GIRTON: Fisher, Yun, Parkin, Ritter, Male, Malyali, Day, Gildea, D'Costa

 Girton didn’t hold back against Queens’ second string side as they put nine past them, incredibly with nine different goal-scorers. Queens’ may find this season to be a tough judging from the gulf in class between the two sides, although they will have to take pride in the fact that they are the highest seated seconds side of any college in Cambridge – a fine achievement, but it means absolutely nothing. Girton meanwhile will hope to make amends for narrowly missing out on promotion last year, and they have clearly wasted no time in going about rectifying last year’s disappointment.

 

Homerton 1-2 St Catherine’s

ST CATHERINE'S: Goh, Woods

St Catherine’s will be delighted to sit joint top of the league – the first time they’ve felt what that’s like in a long, long time (well, at least a year). Homerton of course were once known for having such incredible squad depth that they could boast their Firsts, Seconds, and Thirds in the top three divisions – however that is now very much a distant memory. A great start for St Catz as they look to bounce back after a wretched campaign last time out – for Homerton there’s plenty of work to do.

 

Emma 1-3 Trinity

Emma and Trinity kindly gave me no details of their fixture so there is very little to add over their season opener. Emma, backed to go down by Varsity¸ have so far merited that foresight with an opening day home defeat, whilst Trinity, who could potentially push themselves to the top of the table, will be pleased with an opening day win. Stunning analysis, as always.

@peterrutzler19