My girlfriend lives really far away and I miss her so much. How can I stop myself feeling sad all the time?

University is often thought of as a time for new beginnings and (inverted commas necessary) ‘experimentation’ when it comes to love and relationships, but for many it can be a time of heartache and a cause of emotional stress. Whether you were already in a relationship when you arrived, or if you have embarked on one since moving away from home, being in a long-distance relationship can be emotionally and physically challenging.

The everyday struggles faced by students can create added tension: it can be a financial drain to frequently visit one another, and feelings of isolation in new places can be exacerbated by a feeling of separation. Perhaps one of the most significant additional pressures faced by students in relationships at uni, though, is the unspoken expectation that it’s going to fail and that you will inevitably break up.

Overcoming these feelings of external demands and anxieties is the first step, but it is by no means the only challenge those in long-distance relationships face. You actually have to live through the painful term-time separation filled with bittersweet highs and often very low lows. So, dear reader, it is no wonder you often find yourself feeling blue, but thankfully there are ways you can overcome the melancholy and learn to be okay with living away from your partner.

There are two sides to this situation that need addressing: firstly, how you can deal with the pain of separation proactively, and secondly, adapting the way you think about and interact with the relationship itself in order to minimise unhappiness and maximise positivity.

“If someone is choosing to stay with you despite being completely free to be independent and leave, the connection must be valuable”

The first takes the form of behaviour changes and small alterations to your daily life. Although many of these suggestions may be easier said than done, their impact cannot be understated. These additions to your routine can also increase general happiness, regardless of your relationship status.

It may sound clichéd to remind you that exercise, water, and sleep are vital to your well-being in every sense, but if you’re the sort of person who is fond of all-nighters, energy drinks, and believes that your walk between lectures counts as your weekly exercise, this advice definitely applies to you. Even adding an extra bottle of water to your daily intake, or going on a long walk for the sake of it, can have a notable impact on both your physical and mental health. Doing yoga in your room is an ideal way of getting exercise and practising mindfulness (in a way that really doesn’t require much effort), if you don’t want to venture out into the cold.

Most important, though, is getting enough sleep. We are all animals at the end of the day and sleep is a biological necessity. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and yet young people seem to indulge in similar techniques all the time. The benefits of sleeping at least eight hours a night are second to none: you won’t have to nap throughout the day (although sometimes you just want to, which I can’t argue with); you will be less groggy and moody; and you will be awake enough to actually be productive with your time, which itself is very satisfying. 

Maintaining these behaviours will definitely increase your general mood, and mean that when you are missing your partner the blow won’t be so severe. If you’re in a good place with your mental and emotional wellbeing, you will be more capable of dealing with any new feelings and it will be easier to be proactive in the relationship.

Skyping, writing each other letters, sending each other gifts, and generally maintaining communication without suffocating one another can be the foundation of a long-distance relationship, but is made much easier by being in a positive state of mind to begin with.

Changing your view of the relationship can sometimes be the hardest part of dealing with long distances. It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling a victim of fate because of your separation from the person you love, but this negative mindset can be not only detrimental to your enjoyment of life, but fundamentally wrong. Learning to accept that your situation comes with pros as well as cons can be really revolutionary to the way you feel about it. (I would recommend watching this video from The School of Life on this topic).

Long-distance relationships provide you with an opportunity many couples may wish for: you get to do all the loving with none of the extra aggro of sharing a living space. Some people believe that long-distance relationships even make it easier to love: it is a lot easier to focus on all the good parts of someone when you aren’t with them, and it is a lot harder to be irritated by their annoying habits if they aren’t with you.

With this in mind, you can begin to think differently about the distance between you and your partner. Perhaps it is not the disaster you perceived it to be, but rather an opportunity to allow your genuine affection to flourish. After all, if someone is choosing to stay with you despite being completely free to be independent and leave, the connection must be valuable.

5,394 miles: A survival guide to long-distance relationships

Ultimately, however, long-distance relationships are hard: there will be times in which your patience and resilience are tested, but there will also be times of immense happiness and joy when you finally reunite. It is worth considering both sides of the situation and using this as a means of coping with it. Maintaining a stable frame of mind generally is also an important part of dealing with relationships in general, but especially when you and your partner are apart.

My final piece of advice would be to sustain the fun in the relationship: you don’t want to fall into a routine of mundane conversations and dull daily updates in order to keep the relationship going – it has to be worth your time. Injecting fun by changing up the ways you communicate can be a good way of doing this. Letters, postcards, even online gaming together can provide an entertaining but vital way to stay connected to one another.

Most importantly – remember why you’re in the relationship, and use this as motivation to keep going