The Anglophone world has gone into linguistic meltdown after the Oxford English Dictionary accidentally changed the name of large, round, juicy citrus fruit, the orange, in its latest edition.

The fruit formerly known as the orange will now be defined as a ‘green’.

Violet can exclusively confirm the mistake was spotted early this morning. Within hours, civilisation as we knew it ceased to exist.

Trouble instantly took off as families sat down for dinner and requested greens with their meal. Innocent English-speakers, naturally expecting peas or beans, are now being treated for trauma after receiving gravy-soaked citrus fruit with their beef and Yorkshire puddings.

“The move has prompted deep philosophical questions about the future of the colour orange”

A BBC News clip of ‘Pauline from Kent’, weeping as she described her experience with the new greens as “deeply unsettling” has exploded on social media and in the national press. Pauline added that she thought herself unlikely to eat or to feel true happiness ever again.

Orange-farmers (ah, I beg your pardon, green-farmers) have also been left bemused by the decision. Many confess they are now uncertain as to whether to harvest the fruit when it is green and under-ripened – as the new name would suggest ­– or whether to wait for the fruit to ripen to the reddish yellow colour with which it once shared a name.

The move has prompted deep philosophical questions about the future of the colour orange. Which came first, the orange or the orange? Or, indeed as we must now put it, the green or the orange?

Charity helplines across the country have reported a 300% surge in phone calls – with the main query as to whether it is still acceptable to call the colour of President Trump’s fake-tan ‘orange’.

On discovering this, Trump reacted angrily to potential accusations that he might in any way be ‘green’. The Commander-in-Chief has taken to his typical 140-character missile, Twitter to respond.

The United Nations has expressed its concern regarding the threat of an imminent civil war in Finland. Conservatives have been among the first to demand a return to the traditional name, ‘orange’. Meanwhile, progressives have waxed lyrical about the fluidity of language and claim the name must remain. International commentators are yet to decipher why a country which is neither English-speaking nor possessive of the citrus-growing climate actually cares at all.

As the General Election looms in the United Kingdom, all the major political parties are understood to be addressing the orange issue in their manifestos. In response to the ‘orange’ debate, former Prime Minister David Cameron crawled out of his role to suggest a referendum on the matter might be the best method of resolving the issue. The country quickly told him where he could shove himself. Again.

Tim Farron, the Liberal Democrat leader, was found at a Green Party rally apparently claiming he was now in charge, since orange was the new green. Farron cried when he was informed they had even fewer seats than him, but he refused to leave and was last seen tucking into an organic fair-trade lentil cheesecake. His aides have fervently denied rumours he described eating greens as a sin.

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TM the PM broke off​ the campaign trail today to make a statement on the subject. She described the Great British public as “united” in their “heartfelt support” for the new green, and called on the the electorate to provide her with a mandate to make a success of the new green name for the benefit of working British families.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn responded Mrs May “could not be trusted” to name the fruit, expressing fears of a citrus-related U-turn should Ms May be re-elected. Mr Corbyn claimed his message to the British people was crystal clear: “I’m the kind of straightforward chap who calls a spade a spade and an orange a green.”