Yep, that’s right, we’re writing an article about how John’s is pretentious – so original! Before you judge, remember that you’re the one reading it with precious little time remaining before exams. Also, they have a peacock, what’s that about?

Duckbridge has taken Cambridge by storm. When Violet asked a first-year mathmo for comment, he said: “I don’t know what that is.” Several other interviewees told Violet to duck off.

“Few duck-fanatics showed love for either college or peacock”

Violet continued its investigation, however, and alighted upon CompSci Fresher, Kyra Mozley, who responded: “Varsity is writing an article about Duckbridge. What is this world!”

Thankfully though, this isn’t about Duckbridge. This article is about what the page has taught us. A mysterious Facebook user named Charlie sent in a picture of peacocks at Johns’ along with the apt caption: “The rest of the university has ducks, in John’s they have peacocks.”

Students were quick to chirp in on the comments thread. “I think they’re flamboyant and take themselves far too seriously,” wrote first-year English student Ed Bankes, “and the peacocks are silly too.”

Indeed, few duck-fanatics showed love for either college or peacock. “Classic John’s trying to one-up everyone with their fancy-ass ducks,” said Fresher economist Zoe Allen, “ducks are better, anyway.”

An anonymous theologian took a moment to ponder on the fate of John’s version of ducks, wondering: “Are they going to eat them too?”.

It’s clear in Cambridge that there’s one rule for humans and another rule for peacocks, as it has been spotted leisurely strolling on John’s grass.

Amid rumours that the peacock belonged to the John’s master, Violet approached the college to find out the origins of said peacock. Disappointingly, it seems to be a stray.

A spokesperson for St John’s told Violet, “If you actually think that this is worth an article … Apparently it flew in yesterday and then flew away again. It was clearly a stray, so no, not ours.”