Have you ever wondered what you could buy with £286,000 in your bank account? Either way, I hope you’ve all got your brains into gear for a quick bit of maths! Nice maths though, not like the sort that makes you cry at AS-level (maybe that was just me), and maths that might make you look at May Balls in a whole new light.

One Trinity May Ball, at the 2015 budget of £286,000

The May Ball to end all May Balls, so I am led to believe. It's even written in their constitution that they can’t run out of champagne for the duration of the night (I don’t like champagne so I don’t really care, but I appreciate the point all the same). I doubt I’ll ever experience it myself, but I’m happy to believe the rumours. Incidentally, £286,000 was the average house price in 2015 too, and would currently buy you a four-bed house in Manchester, or a one- or two-bed flat in London.

Three Range Rover Vogues at £83,900

It’s not quite the horse and carriage that one couple infamously rocked up outside Trinity’s gate in last year, but the Range Rover is one of the most iconic British cars of all time. Shame you can’t drive all three at once though, right?

Four Homerton May Balls, at the 2015 budget of £68,969

Last year, Homerton’s May Ball was given 4 stars by Varsity, so perhaps it is fitting that that four of them could be funded by the budget of one Trinity May Ball. Or maybe not, given four times the budget was spent by Trinity just to get one extra star. Decide amongst yourselves.

"It's even written in their constitution that they can’t run out of champagne for the duration of the night"

Nineteen designer gowns at £15,000 each

Note that these are ‘standard’ designer gowns, rather than couture creations, for you would struggle to buy half a couture gown with the Trinity May Ball budget. But, if you would like a new season dress by Gucci, Valentino or the likes, you could buy 19 of them with Trinity’s budget

Eighty-one of Cartier’s Love bracelets, at £3,500 each for the white gold edition

The most googled piece of jewellery in 2016, the Cartier Love bracelets require you to literally lock them onto your limbs by means of a tiny screwdriver. Worn by everyone from Kylie Jenner to Elizabeth Taylor, they are truly iconic, and 81 of them could be yours should you have the Trinity budget at your disposal.

336 of the most expensive Sherri Hill prom dresses, at £850 each

The prom queen of the prom dress world, Sherri Hill is the American label lusted after by sixteen year olds across the world. Beautiful dresses at slightly expensive prices, the Trinity budget would be able to fund one for every undergraduate at Peterhouse (boys included).

1437 lifetime memberships at the Cambridge Union, at £199 each

Doesn’t seem so expensive now, does it?

57,200 nights out at Life/Cindies, at £5 each

Are you one of those people that moan about how all you do at a May Ball is get pissed with your mates and that you could do this elsewhere for a fraction of the price elsewhere? Well, you’ll be glad to know that with the Trinity May Ball budget, you could have 57,200 nights out at the crème-de-la-crème of Cambridge clubs. For one person, that’s a night out every night of the year for over 156 years, or three nights out in a row for every student in Cambridge!

143,000 portions of cheesy chips from Van of Life, at £2 each (with student discount)

Forget about feeding the five thousand with five loaves and two fishes, you could give a hearty portion of cheesy stodge to every inhabitant of Middlesbrough in North Yorkshire on this budget.

572,000 pairs of white trainer socks from Primark, at £2.50 for a pack of five

I don’t know why anyone would ever need this many socks to be honest. Nope, no idea at all.

This piece isn’t a criticism of the extravagance of May Week, just an observation. I’ve been waiting to go to a May Ball since I received my offer for Cambridge. It is interesting to put things into context, but give me a May Ball over 572,000 pairs of trainer socks any day of the week