Content notice: this play contains rape, mutilation, cannibalism, human sacrifice and a plethora of stabbing incidents. Basically it’s kinda grim and must not be approached with any sort of emotional attachment or sensitivity: Most tragedies are just called tragedies, this one is specifically labelled ‘the lamentable tragedy’. Incidentally, it was one of the most popular plays in Elizabethan times.

If you are ever having a bad day, Titus Andronicus will offer the helpful perspective that at least you haven’t been killed, drained of blood, baked in a pie and fed to your mother. It does make one wonder why Shakespeare is held up to be a paragon of virtue.

Summary

Brothers Saturninus and Bassianus both want to be Roman Emperor. Saturninus is the first born, but Bassianus is better qualified. Titus Andronicus comes back from fighting the Goths and has captured their queen, Tamora, her lover, Aaron the Moor, and her sons as prisoners of war. He sacrifices the eldest son to appease the gods. Naturally, Tamora isn’t happy about this and vows revenge.

Marcus (Titus’s brother) nominates Titus as Emperor (yay for nepotism), which he declines and nominates Saturninus. Part of the deal includes Saturninus marrying Lavinia, Titus’s daughter. Unfortunately Lavinia and Bassianus are sort of a thing, and beef ensues between the brothers. One of Titus’s sons, Mutius, tries to protect Lavinia and Bassianus, and is killed by Titus. Mutius’s brothers are not amused, and plead with Titus to at least bury him in the family tomb. Titus begrudgingly obliges.

“It does make one wonder why Shakespeare is held up to be a paragon of virtue”

Meanwhile, Saturninus and Tamora have coupled up, and since Saturninus is a bit annoyed by having snubbed by Lavinia, he is easily persuaded by Tamora to take part in her revenge plot. Tamora’s two remaining sons, Demetrius and Chiron, are somewhat enflamed with lust over Lavinia. They have chats with Aaron the Moor (lover guy), and form a plan.

All the characters go hunting/end up out and about. Bassanius and Lavinia are accosted by Tamora, Aaron, Chiron and Demetrius. C+D stab Bassanius to death and then vow to rape Lavinia over his dead body, but thankfully just chuck him into a pit and drag Lavinia offstage because that’s just way too gross. Aaron and Tamora frame Titus’s other sons (Quintus and Martius) as the murderers of Bassanius by making them fall into the pit and then faking a letter of treachery to give to Saturninus.

Marcus (Titus’s nepotism brother), finds Lavinia in a really horrible state (hands and tongue cut off so that she can’t implicate C+D) and has this long speech about her deflowering in very elevated and beautiful language so that English students can write about juxtaposition and oxymorons and stuff.

Martius and Quintus go on trial and are going to be executed, but then Aaron the Moor comes on and says that if someone chops off their hand and gives it to Saturninus the Emperor that will do instead. Titus, Marcus and Lucius (another one of Titus’s sons who is actually quite decent) all want to chop their hands off. In the end they decide that Lucius will get the axe, and Marcus will chop off Titus’s hand, but whilst they’re off to get the axe Aaron chops Titus’s hand off. Martius and Quintus get executed anyway and Saturninus sends Titus’s hand back. Titus has a meltdown because Marcus kills an innocent fly. Lavinia points out a passage in Ovid to indicate her rape, and draws Demetrius and Chiron’s names in sand.

A nurse comes onstage with a mixed-race baby which means that Aaron the Moor has got Tamora pregnant instead of Saturninus. To protect his child Aaron stabs the nurse and plans to kill the midwife too.

Titus asks a clown to deliver pigeons to Saturninus. Saturninus orders the clown to be hanged. Tamora comes up with this weird plan that she and C+D will go in a rubbish disguise to Titus and pretend to be the human incarnations of Revenge, Murder and Rape. Aaron and child are discovered by Lucius and an army of Goths. Aaron boasts of his crimes and is escorted off to be executed, but they thankfully don’t kill the child.

Titus sees through the rubbish disguises, kills C+D, drains their blood, feeds them in a pie to Tamora, then kills Tamora. He also kills Lavinia (to end her ‘shame’ apparently). Saturninus kills Titus. Lucius kills Saturninus. General rioting ensues. Aaron is starved to death. Tamora’s body is thrown to wild animals. Lucius takes charge of Rome.

Scarred for life? Me too.

Backstage

Marriages: 1ish (Saturninus and Tamora)

Deaths: 12 (13 if you count the fly)

Best line(s):

Chiron: Thou hast undone our mother

Aaron: Villain, I have done thy mother