The mansplainer

Easy to spot – talks slightly above normal volume, tries to answer every question even when he has no idea, will disagree or interject whenever any woman tries to make a point. Loves the sound of his own voice. Luckily he’s mostly talk and will be disappointed with his middling-to-poor marks all year – if only he tried listening…

The hyper-organiser

You turned up with a chewed pen and a sheet of paper. They’ve turned up with a notebook, a laptop, an array of pastel-coloured highlighters, and have already made an alarming amount of colour-coded notes. Enough to turn anyone into an anxious wreck. Avoid at all costs.

The King’s student

I remember my first brush with socialism. Incredibly edgy - but actually not really because they’re just trying to dress like the rest of their edgy mates - and tries to shoehorn a Marxist reading into literally everything. We get it, you’ve read the Communist Manifesto. We also get that you’re vegan, but it’s probably worth pointing out that the extremely unethically sourced coke you consume every weekend definitely ISN’T.

The quiet one(s)

We all have the odd seminar or two where we either don’t feel like talking or, more likely, literally have no idea what is going on and can’t contribute. But usually you’ll manage to say one vaguely intelligent thing. But then there are those who come in for an hour every week and never fail to NOT speak. Impressive, really. 

The intimidating one

She’s wearing cool clothes, is scarily pretty, and sits right next to the seminar tutor. She seems to know everything. She never messages or replies to your course group chat. Very elusive. She won’t talk but when she does, it’s ALWAYS better than the drivel you came out with. Cool and aloof but very clearly a genius, you can see why she’s intimidating.

The only one you actually like

Naturally you only have one seminar friend and you’re stuck together like glue the whole time. Also has a chewed pen but can be relied on for a sheet of paper from their shiny new pad when you forget yours. You’ll swap notes a few times whenever one of you misses the 9am. A godsend, and tbh, you don’t know where you’d be without them.