I must confess that part of me has stopped paying attention to British politics in light of the fourth Brexit extension, partly because it’s exhausting and partly because it’s now too painful to watch. However, upon reflection, I have decided that there certainly are a few things we can all take away from it.

1) Extension! Extension! Extension!

Have a BIG project deadline coming up? Is a supervisor hounding you for an essay? Don’t worry, there is a solution. Just get an extension! Who cares if they dock you marks? If you keep putting it off then eventually there’ll be no point handing it in at all, so you may as well save yourself the trouble. And if not, there’s a possibility that if you flap about long enough and harp on about a mystical ‘essay plan’ that’s never seen the light of day, they may just accept that it’s probably so shit it’s not worth reading anyway. 

2) It’s always a good idea to lie through your teeth

Think you might not get that committee spot? Trying to secure a second date but not sure you’re up to it? Just chat shit. Make sure it’s convincing, but honestly go to town. Why not tell that girl you fancy that you own a holiday home in the Bahamas? Or write on that application form that you’re the sole reason we’re getting a Gavin and Stacey Christmas special? And if they suspect that the rubbish you’ve spouted isn’t true, well don’t worry:

a) they’ve probably already committed, they’d lose face if they backed out now so of course, that’s not an option, and

b) if you keep up with ‘promises’ (fictional scenarios that sound appealing but are highly unrealistic) you’ll keep them hanging on in hope.

"Just chat shit"

3) Need a self-esteem boost? 

Forget retail therapy, when you need a bit more confidence consider having a go at something in which the competition is essentially non-existent or completely wank. This means that you don’t have to be any good at whatever it is you’re doing either - a win win for everyone (unless of course you’re an MP). For example, if you’re desperate for a blue but don’t have the skill for uni sport, I’d advise having a go at Eton Fives.

4) Working on a group project that isn’t looking promising?

Just bail. It’s so easy. You may have volunteered to lead, but you can divest yourself of all responsibility by simply highlighting how uncooperative the other members of your group were and how hard the project was. No one’s going to mind, you weren’t really helping anyway.

5) Don’t have a plan? Don’t worry, you don’t need one

We’ve all been there before. Sat in a supo that we’re totally unprepared for. It seems everyone else knows what’s going on except you, and this time, it’s not a pesky flare up of imposter syndrome. Now it's harsh reality; you haven’t done the work, and you failed to even write an essay plan. If it all goes tits up, just leave: you probably don’t need a degree anyway. Someone else can just do it for you - or make a hash of it trying.