One of my key concerns going back to Cambridge for second year was, and still is, one of friendship. As I spent a lot of first year trying to figure out how to write an acceptable essay and how to approach the mountainous reading lists (I still don’t know the answer to this by the way), I perhaps didn’t put enough time into making friends. Ever the optimist, I thought it would happen more naturally than it did.

It is easy to underestimate the importance of reliable and enduring friendships, especially if you are lucky enough to be a part of one. Starting Cambridge last year, I felt overwhelmed by meeting new people everywhere I went. I felt (as most people do) nervous and self-conscious. Though I was happy to meet everyone, I also found the whole process massively draining. It was challenging to have relaxed and open discussions with people I didn’t know. Making friends was particularly difficult given the fact that I’d spent years in school having the invaluable comfort of knowing people well — so much so that I had forgotten that those sorts of friendships don’t spring up overnight.

“I had a very optimistic vision about starting university and instantly finding friends for life”

I had a very optimistic vision about starting university and instantly finding friends for life. When that didn’t happen, I was confused. I presumed that this was just a given of university life. I thought that I’d just find a spark with people easily and that would be that. As ever, I did not consider the reality of it all: friendships take a long time to develop and even then they require constant looking-after. As with any point in life, friendships can drizzle away and people you once couldn’t live without can become a distant memory. Other friendships end more dramatically which can be an extremely painful process and others persevere despite the odds. These are the very best kind.

For my first year, I stayed in touch with a few friends from home. Our communication wasn’t frequent, but it was enough to keep me sane. I knew I could be open with them in a way that I was still unsure about in Cambridge. Though I missed (and miss) my friends, I valued every minute of the FaceTimes and hurried Snapchat conversations we would have. The circumstances of my friendships had changed but the substance of them — thankfully — had not. I felt bewildered by how quickly everything had changed and even though I settled into the swing of things more, I definitely felt a strong sense of absence for that first Michaelmas term. I think I still feel it now, albeit to a lesser degree.

“Now in second year, I don’t have a ‘key’ friendship group, or anything like it”

Now in second year, I don’t have a ‘key’ friendship group, or anything like it. I am friendly with a lot of people and we say ‘hello’ and smile at each other on the streets — but I still don’t know whether asking to meet for coffee or something is an acceptable thing to do. People who I had just been getting to know last year feel like strangers again. I’ve found myself feeling a little nervous during conversations and just a bit more on edge than usual. Being someone who is at the best of times hopeless at messaging, my contact with friends has been far from what it should be. I struggle to keep up text conversations in ‘ordinary’ times, let alone over six months of uncertainty and confusion. I also, thank goodness, have some close friends who I am endlessly grateful for; but we are all living in different places this year which renders socialising somewhat difficult. Having a boyfriend definitely helps in terms of keeping company but could prove difficult if anything were ever to go wrong.

This year I’ve solemnly sworn to make a more active effort when it comes to friendships. It’s not that I didn’t care last year. Far from it. Still, it more took me a while to find a work/life balance that I was comfortable with. Now I think I have found that, I am hoping that other second years are in the same boat as me.

A final (and very important) thing: it is very normal to feel lonely even when surrounded by friends. Workloads and general stress can lead to literal self-isolation which can be depressing and miserable. As we are living in a very puzzling time, it is extremely important that you know you can and should talk to people. We are all going through this wonderful and bizarre and perplexing university experience together, so the least we can do is look out for one another.