“This is a practice that invites you to simply...recognise.” The soothing voice of Adrienne, my YouTube yoga instructor, dispels my cynicism instantly. I am so in awe of Adrienne’s upright posture that I almost forget to ask myself: “Recognise what?” Simply recognise, I tell myself. Simply...recognise.

In the last lockdown I, like many others, achieved absolutely nothing. Not even the illusion of progress. If anything I regressed. I did not read all the books I’d never had time to read, or watch all the films I’d never had time to watch. I did not take up a new hobby, like sewing or coding or baking. Instead, I watched other people do those things on TikTok and allowed myself to wallow more and more in lockdown lethargy.

Well, this lockdown is going to be different. I promise.

My mission is to become “The Perfect Student”. How? From study and lifestyle YouTubers, of course. Where better to find earnest and realistic life advice to implement in my everyday life? From where else could I seek the inspiration to become the perfect student I’ve always definitely had the potential to be? The regression of last year’s lockdown was not due to the fear of trying and failing, nor was it due to pure laziness and an inability to set goals and achieve them. It was due to not spending enough time watching other people be more productive than myself. My mission, then, is to implement a new lifestyle or study tip each week, and by doing so, transform my life.

So, here we go. Week one: yoga.

I’ve never been able to touch my toes (lower knee cap is the limit) and, to be honest, I thought that yoga was just glorified stretching. But what do I know? If the study and lifestyle ‘tubers’ are doing it, then I guess I’ll try it too!

Now, I’m no dancer. I’m human. But this is fine, Adrienne (who I am 100% sure is a dancer) tells me. This is all about connecting to my inner energies and, don’t forget, recognising. Day one was surprisingly enjoyable and, although I didn’t feel particularly stretched or relaxed, I felt like my life was changing from one that definitely wouldn’t be featured on a YouTube video entitled “How I got a first at Cambridge by doing yoga every morning”, to one that still wouldn’t, but might feature on a “How I got a solid 2.2 by doing yoga every morning for a week.”

Don’t get me wrong, last lockdown I tried all the classic things. I did my 5k run and posted it on Instagram. Only took me 11 minutes. Did I run regularly after that? Of course not. I was either lacking the motivation to start or was disheartened that, despite having broken the world record by a good minute and a half, no talent scouts had approached me. Whichever one it was, I failed to catch the running bug. I tried reading, but three pages into Moby Dick someone sent me a whale sounds playlist and I decided to listen to that instead.

But by day four of my yoga journey I realised that I had changed. Adrienne had changed me. I looked at her with my first and second eyes and looked inside myself with my third. She was right. Day two’s practice really did cause me to “intend”. And I’ll be damned if after day four I didn’t feel “activated”. I had managed to dig out an old yoga mat I didn’t know existed from the loft and, with a new perspective, I looked at it (I was in downward facing dog pose). Then I looked up at Adrienne (I had given up with downward facing dog pose). Then I looked down at my mat again (this time I was just looking) and realised that we had a real connection. My hand had “kissed the mat”, as Adrienne says, so many times now. I couldn’t help but feel something stir inside me.

It’s not that I am a bad student. It’s that in lockdown, you can feel like a bad student even though you’re not. You realise how much time you spend not working while in Cambridge (or maybe that’s just me). Suddenly you have this void of time that you can only spend watching Netflix or scrolling through Camfess. I need something or someone to aspire to, no matter how unrealistic.

“But I had found something that I never realised I had. A yoga mat.”

And Adrienne, whose flexibility is my ultimate aspiration, is that someone.

She at last finished up with day seven (which was called “Stretch”, making me question what I had been doing for the other six days). I’d done it. I was no nearer to touching my toes, my posture had not improved and my body felt exactly the same as it did a week before. But I had found something that I never realised I had. A yoga mat.

Next week I think I’ll continue with Adrienne. I haven’t recognised, intended, awakened, activated, softened, ignited and stretched with her just to end here. But I’ll be adding my second perfect student challenge too. I won’t be looking at my phone for a week. At this rate I’ll be living in an ashram by the end of term. What about texting my friends? With Adrienne by my side (by which I mean: on my laptop screen), I’ll have all the friends I’ll need.