"Ed! It’s half eight, I’ve brought your breakfast."

"Urghhhhhhhhhhaaaarghhhhhhh! Yeah cool."

"Right, the eggs are in the kitchen and your packed lunch is in the fridge. I’m going to the UL but I’ll see you later to give you your tea."

"What!? We have to make them ourselves? You said last night you were making all the meals!"

"I’ve made you five meals Ed! If you like I’ll put the eggs on to boil before I go. If you don’t have your eggs now your first meal of the day’ll be a can of tuna."

And so the day of the bodybuilder diet challenge began; three boys, six meals and four times the recommended daily intake of flaxseed oil. The boys didn’t exactly play by the book: six meals turned into eight and they did add sauce to the admittedly vile Sainsbury’s chicken fillet. Part of me felt truly cruel for forcing only Sainsbury’s basics tuna and salmon on three growing boys who just wanted to ‘get big’, but they did sign up for it.

Ultimately the aim was to create three Ronnie Coleman look-a-likes, but a day of almost pure protein and not a single steroid can’t possibly make anyone that beef. Though, of course, Mr. Coleman is pure, natural muscle. Here’s an excerpt from his daily diet plan:

"10:30 a.m. is my first meal I have 3/4 cup of grits (??) with cheese and 2 cups of egg whites. I have my BSN Nitrix before this meal about 6 tablets, after I eat my first meal I have 6 BSN Betalin capsules, I wait about 2 hours and before I work out I have 3 scoops of NO Explode…I’m a single guy who lives alone so I tend to clean up around my house from time to time, I wash clothes, wash the dishes, sweep and mop the floors. A lot of my time is spent eating and driving to eat, not including the workout so my day is still very full."

An in depth analysis of Ronnie’s day reveals a disappointing truth: Ronnie Coleman spends almost his entire waking life eating, driving to places to eat and working out. The average Cambridge student spends their life working, cycling to places to eat and working out how much of the nation’s money they have wasted by skipping their morning lectures. Students simply can’t get big; there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Instead why not eat your salmon with sauce, have your steak with onion rings and swap the bedtime protein shake for mug of Horlicks? Yeah buddy.

Diet plan

Meal 1: 1 hard boiled egg.
2 fried egg whites.
1000mg flaxseed oil.

Meal 2: 1 can of tuna.
1000mg flaxseed oil.

Meal 3: 2 x 6 oz chicken breasts.
200g wholewheat pasta.
1000mg flaxseed oil.

Meal 4: 4 oz steak

Meal 5: 8 oz steamed salmon and salad.

Meal 6: 1 hard boiled egg.
2 fried egg whites.  1000mg flaxseed oil/ a protein shake.