Content Note: This article contains discussion of death from Covid-19

Of all the Indian news I’ve been bombarded with in the past two months, this is what sticks out most in my mind: reports of people being forced to pay government officials exorbitant bribes just so they can perform the last rites for their relatives who have died from COVID-19. There is something about this image that sums up the depravity of India’s COVID-19 crisis; even in death, Indian citizens have not been granted the dignity and compassion they need and deserve.

These days, I find myself at a greater loss for words than usual. For weeks, I’ve written and rewritten my thoughts and feelings on the situation in India again and again, if only to ease the pressure that has been a permanent presence in my chest. And yet, no matter how much I write, how much I vent, or how much I distract myself from this, I am constantly in a contradictory state of feeling simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly numb.

“For almost a month, my days have been punctuated by news of someone falling terribly ill with COVID-19 or dying from it. A friend’s grandfather. My dad’s university friends. A great-uncle. My mum’s friends from school”

I’ve tried to take extended breaks from social media, if only just to prevent the panic from setting in even more after scrolling through my timeline and seeing consecutive requests for hospital beds, oxygen, or medicines. While this detox has helped somewhat, I haven’t exactly been out of the loop, mainly because most of my immediate and extended family is in India.

Every day, as I revise for Tripos, my parents are bound to share some update on the situation in India. For almost a month, my days have been punctuated by news of someone falling terribly ill with COVID-19 or dying from it. A friend’s grandfather. My dad’s university friends. A great-uncle. My mum’s friends from school. And every evening, when my dad tunes on to the Tamil news from India and statistics are announced, I wonder if the person who I heard of that day was acknowledged as part of the official statistics, or whether their death slipped under the radar, never to be acknowledged by a government that has so callously left its citizens to suffer.

As the biologist of the family, I’ve taken on the role of resident nagger, constantly reminding everyone to wear a mask and asking if they have enough PPE and hand sanitiser. A recent call with my grandma ended up with me in tears as I pleaded with her to stay at home and let my uncle do the grocery shopping instead. I’ve sent countless messages to my family asking them to get vaccinated as soon as they can but, given the shortage of doses, this has proved in vain.

This has also meant that I’ve had to suppress my frustration at those who are sceptical of the science. Time and time again, several of my relatives would refuse to wear masks, partially because of the hot and humid weather, but also because there was an underlying assumption that they ‘wouldn’t contract it,’ especially when India saw a dip in cases late last year. It is tragic that it took the passing of one of my great-uncles and a couple of other relatives for everyone to sober up and practice social distancing.

“What really upsets me is how this catastrophe, brought about by a government that refused to listen to the science, and is leaving each state to fend for itself, has also been complicit in promoting pseudoscience”

But what really upsets me is how this catastrophe, brought about by a government that refused to listen to the science, and is leaving each state to fend for itself, has also been complicit in promoting pseudoscience. Last March, the Modi administration asked people to light oil lamps and bang pots and pans, citing it as a way to get rid of ‘corona’ through sound vibrations. The ruling party’s (the BJP) ministers have claimed that cow urine and foods like turmeric milk could help cure coronavirus. And in light of the ballooning crisis, people have increasingly resorted to these measures, with some even smearing cow dung on their bodies.

Every day, I wake up hoping that this will finally be the day where I no longer hear about anyone falling ill or dying, and by the time I go to bed, I am shattered, full of despair and hopelessness. That every Indian I know has been feeling the same way is both a source of comfort and a curse to me, in that I am not alone in this but at the same time, millions of Indians have been abandoned by the very people who should have protected them and their families. That’s the worst part for me, this whole catastrophe could have been prevented and yet, it wasn’t. All of this could have all been prevented, had the Modi administration prioritised investing in healthcare infrastructure. If they hadn’t insisted that the Kumbh Mela, where millions of Hindu pilgrims bathe in the Ganges, take place and then issue a half-hearted recommendation to avoid embarking on the pilgrimage, once it was too late. If they hadn’t continued to hold elections in 5 states and allowed for full-fledged rallies to take place, and then delay the counting of votes by a month even though cases were rising and candidates fell ill or worse, died. It is infuriating and, honestly, just upsetting to see that millions of people have been left to fend for themselves, all just so a few politicians score extra points and political leverage, which they already have plenty of. 

As Arundhati Roy so aptly put in her op-ed, what’s going on in India is a crime against humanity. The Modi administration’s sheer incompetence and callousness have left millions of Indians feeling lost and abandoned. More bafflingly still, however unsurprising, there still remains a faction of Modi supporters who fervently cling on to the hope that Modi and his fellow BJP lackeys will still save them with their ‘cow science.’ And as for diaspora Indians like myself and overseas Indian citizens, we are left to look on helplessly, along with a mixture of guilt and relief that we aren’t experiencing the lived reality in India right now.

We have been left to lose, no matter where we are.

If you would like to support campaigns in aid to India:

The Oxbridge Student Action fundraiser for COVID Relief in India: https://www.gofundme.com/f/oxford-student-action-for-covid-relief-in-india?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer

Ongoing fundraisers: https://mutualaidindia.com/