Whatever Happened to the Lead provides an evening in the life of a washed-up movie actor, desperately trying to reach the shores of theatrical success – so perhaps it’s fitting that this production is as patchy as a failing thesp’s foreign accents. Billed as satire, played as a self-referential melodrama with occasional dashes of farce, it’s completely bewildering. The only consistent note is that of self-consciousness.

At least the opening night audience did seem to be enjoying themselves. After all, it’s hard to watch someone flirting with a toupée and keep a straight face. Ash Rosen as James Redgrave and Natasha Cutler as Elizabeth Fontane have clearly put in the hours at the ADC bar, and their portrayals of the luvvie life are perfectly observed. The other performances are rather more mixed, although Paul Tait as Jack Johnson makes a creditable effort with a very thin part.

There are some charming elements in here – I really want the magical trumpet that can summon celebrities, it would definitely add some excitement to the college library – but they’re too spaced out. Indeed some really good jokes and some very good acting are all lost in the endless padding. I wish the author of this script, Henry Wilkinson, had been resolute enough to write either vomit-stained farce or well-observed wit. What Happened to the Lead simply can’t make up its mind, and the characters are left looking very gawky and uncertain as a result. The constant anachronisms are similarly disorienting, as we switch between 1960s BBC voices and 2014 internet catchphrases in the space of half a sentence.

But it’s not until Act II that the wheels really come off. Both the action and the dialogue zip past with such alarming rapidity that more than a few characters fluff their lines. Full marks for the one-liners, but we don’t need the unfunny, ten-minute digression into Redgrave’s mother’s sex life. Some of the jokes seem so rushed in performance that they’re never actually finished: was there a punchline to the discussion of preference for casserole versus macaroons? Why did we spend half an hour watching rehearsals of another play? What’s the point of Charlie Chaplin? (Something I’ve always wondered, but especially relevant here.) Comedy is meant to be about surprises, but this was more than startling; it was completely and bizarrely confusing, and the production as a whole just wasn’t confident enough to get away with it. In fact, never mind the lead – whatever happened to the plot?