Who are the boys in your universe who feature regularly on your Instagram story?

“Boys in my universe”? That’s…interesting wording, I feel very Love Island-y, very Bachelorette-y! Basically, I have two running jokes on my stories, “Corpus Josh” and “Emmanuel Matthew”! Corpus Josh came about because I asked him for notes and he didn’t come through (YOU DID ALL MY PAPERS, DID THE EXTRA TRIPOS RANKING BOOST YOUR DICK SIZE?!?!) and it became a running joke last year when I was having an existential crisis over my exams! It would be my luck that he’d end up being a BNOC rugby player? Seriously though, Josh is the nicest guy, he’s an absolute legend for taking all the coloniser/Young Tory jokes so well! I’m very aware that my jokes can probably come off badly if you don’t know/get my humour (and I suspect half of Corpus think I’m the second coming of Myra Hindley/Ted Bundy, which isn’t ideal) so I’ll probably stop the jokes soon enough! The amount of times I get asked about Josh in the club is a definite cock-block! Matthew is also lovely, that joke came about because he ignored me when I first met him and absolutely hated me, and who can blame him? Even I’m aware I can probably come across as very dumb and obnoxious and cocky on first impression!

Favourite book?

James Haskell's What A Flanker, or Katie Price's Being Jordan! Maybe Diary of a Wimpy Kid because I don’t think any character sums me up better than Greg Heffley — a big sloppy femma with a cursed and messy love life, desperately trying to be an alpha?

Actual favourite book?

Gone With The Wind or To Kill A Mockingbird? I’ll also cheat and throw in A Streetcar Named Desire even though it’s more of a play because it was my favourite part of A-Level English Lit? (You can tell I’ve not read much outside of my degree lately, shit!)

Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert! I’ve always struggled a lot with anxiety and depression/trust issues and I can definitely be quite guarded and shy around new people? I think I’m good at reading people and matching their energy, but I’d also say I struggle with putting myself out there and not feeling self-conscious, at least when I’m sober! I think that’s why I enjoy clubbing so much, because I can lose a lot of my inhibitions and emotional hang-ups.

What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard?

My life! That sounds very teen angst, but I can’t think of anything on the spot!

Top 3 songs on the pre playlist?

Oops I Did It Again, because you can’t beat a good bit of Britney, can you? Livin’ La Vida Loca, because you can’t beat a bit of Ricky Martin when you’re trying to get in the mood to flirt and drop game, surely?! God, that sounds dead cringey! Hypnotise by Notorious B.I.G because you can’t beat a bit of 90s rap?

Who’s your Cambridge arch-nemesis?

Probably myself, I feel like I’m so blunt and sarky that my mouth either gets me into trouble or has people preconceiving me negatively before getting to know me?

Gardies or Van of Life?

I can’t not say Van of Life. The guy who works there and I have been on a beautiful, year-long journey of him trying and failing to spell my name right, ao I have to shout out my guy! Big up Greta too though!

Advice for freshers?

Don’t kiss in Revs smoking area! Don’t beef the historian who has the same sporting interests as you and whose college is right next door to you? Basically…don’t make my mistakes and you’ll be fine!

Where do you sleep?

In a bed! Nowadays…mostly my own! I should probably put more effort into dating apps but I always feel dead cringey using Tinder/Hinge?

Wildest night out?

How much can I say without getting blacklisted from future employers? Should I go full Theresa May “running through fields of wheat?” Wildest night out…maybe when me and a bunch of the CURUFC lads randomly started stripping in Wednesday Revs? Honourable mentions to a) when I went to Twickenham for Varsity Rugby, a group of Oxford people bought me £100 worth of drinks at Spoons and I ended up making the Chelsea Pensioners lift me, or b) having my best pull rate during that two week period where my hair looked like pubes as a result of *that* bad haircut?

Where will you be found on a Wednesday night?

Spoons, then Revs, aiming to pull a girl, if not I’m still pulling…. an all-nighter to finish off an essay with a hangover and my mental health at an all time low! 

Mash, Lolas, Revs or Vinyl?

Revs > Mash > Lolas > Vinyl

What did you want to be when you grew up?

I used to want to be a meteorologist but then GCSE Science humbled me!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Presenter or a lawyer?

Where was your last kiss?

Last Friday Mash right after I got the new haircut! Not exactly the most glamorous romantic encounter ever, but I’ll take it these days!

Biggest difference between your BNOC persona and Jamali the friend?

I wouldn’t say I’m a BNOC, or that I have a persona? Maybe I’m more shy and reserved at a deeper level than people expect. I’m also very guarded and private when it comes to close friends, and I’m definitely scared of being seen as a gossip because people misconstrue the banter on my stories. I used to fear a lot that I had more acquaintances than friends and that no one really liked me for me, and I still sometimes have those fears, but I’ve come to realise that I have two really strong friendships in Alec and Toby. Anything else is a bonus!

Varsity or the T*b?

Varsity! 

College formal with three people (dead or alive)- who are you choosing?

Marlon Brando: Favourite actor! Che Guevara: Very cringey and student politics-y I know, but I was an obnoxious comrade at secondary school. That’s the one Cambridge-y thing about me?! Jack Grealish: I prefer rugby to football, but I’m a Man City boy through and through and Jack Grealish reminds me a lot of me personality-wise and intelligence-wise? Maybe he could give me tips on sex appeal—it’d make Sunday Lolas slightly less depressing.

Why did you choose to study History?

I was better at English in school, so I have no clue why I chose History either! My Cambridge application was very last minute, I was so unserious at secondary school that I very easily could have not gotten into any uni!