It's hard work keeping on trend. Everyday a new thing is in, then a new thing is out. It's exhausting. Thankfully you'll no longer have to worry as your lifestyle editors have graced you with a comprehensive list of what's in and what's out to ensure you commit no social faux paus this Lent.

Hot: 

• Sleeping in makeup. In a world where the clean girl aesthetic is destroying your self esteem, here at Lifestyle we’re challenging you to release yourself from the shackles of a skin care routine and leave that eyeliner on. You’re pissed and you’ve just stumbled in from rev’s: take it off in the morning…or don’t, and continue wearing it the next day for a chic party girl look!

• Friday MASH (Frash, if you please). Look, we all know Cambridge clubbing is awful, so why let a hangover from a sticky club (single room) in East Anglia ruin your lectures and supervisions? With Friday MASH you get all the benefits of Cambridge clubbing (sweaty ceilings, overpriced jagerbombs, making out with a blonde guy named Jonno wearing his drinking soc tie and a load of Lynx Africa) and none of the drawbacks (throwing up in your college flowerbeds on the way to a supo) 

"Therapy is expensive, but watching 40-second “Family Guy” clips with crap mobile gameplay underneath is so very free"

• Just hanging out. There’s an existential pressure at Cambridge that everytime you see your friends you have to be doing something. “Let’s go and see a play”, “Anyone fancy going to this new exhibit at the Fitz?”, “Ooo, should we go punting this weekend?”. It makes me sick. What happened to bumming about, to chilling out, to putting on your pjs and having a few bevs with your mates on the dirty floor of someone’s college accommodation?
• CB1. Get past that reality check-point lamppost on Parker’s Piece and go out, far beyond the reach of gowns where no supervisor dares roam. Reconnect with the version of you that you left at home, the one who doesn’t know the meaning of the word “natsci” and who thinks it’s cringe to say “Michaelmas” rather than “first term”. Free yourself from Cambridge shackles.

• TikTok Time (or Instagram reels if you’re struggling with your sense of self). Self care isn’t just journaling and gua shas, it is also rotting in your bed with some of Sainsbury’s finest semi-stale baked goods, and scrolling for 3 hours on your short-form content app of choice. Therapy is expensive, but watching 40-second “Family Guy” clips with crap mobile gameplay underneath is so very free.

Meh: 

• Friends with benefits. Everyone who says it’s awful is being dramatic. It’s just fine, it’ll probably end up a wee bit awkward in the end but hey-ho, that’s the price you pay for a shag. An average experience all round.
• Getting with offer holders in Wednesday Revs. Accidental, primordial sharking is high-risk post January 25th, so watch out for so-called ‘gappies’ shoaling on second floor and holding VKs in their mouths as if they’re Hugh Grant in that one scene with the cigarette. Despite this, the twin flames of awkwardness and gossip are the spice of life, and doesn’t everyone want to be the talk of their college’s prep week?!
• The Arc Cafe. An all-round neutral experience. If I’m on Sidgwick site, I’m never in a good state, but their coffee is palatable and reasonably priced, and that’s all you need sometimes. 

Not: 

• Vaping. If you’re not strong enough to handle cigarettes and develop lung problems in a chic way, simply don’t smoke. Inhaling clouds of candyfloss flavoured air from a sad little pastel plastic nub is just downright crap. You’re a grownup, act like it. However, Lola Lo’s little vaping dispenser is a HARD in.

• Avocados. Horrible for the environment, disgustingly mushy, bland unless you dump a metric tonne of pepper on them, need I say more.
• Flatcest. So Michaelmas term of first year…grow up...
• Dating apps. Tinder is just sinister (no elaboration needed), and Hinge pretends to be all fun and nice, but then makes you answer stupid little prompts. NO, I DON’T KNOW WHAT MY BIGGEST ‘ick’ IS, BUT IT'S PROBABLY PEOPLE WHO EARNESTLY ANSWER HINGE QUESTIONS NOW, THANKS HINGE. Nothing good has ever come of a dating app date. 

• Going to your subject’s subject library. It might be a final-year thing, but every time I wander into the English faculty library and see other English students ACTUALLY WORKING a part of me dies inside as I am forced to reconcile with the fact that I should probably be working harder. Going to the Marshall Library fills me with no such dread, however, because Econs aren’t doing my degree, and therefore I can browse Facebook ignorant to the fact that other people on my course are hitting that academic grind.
• Rowing. Take a long hard look at yourself and ask yourself “Is this really how I want to be spending my mornings - freezing my tits off on a crowded and un-rowable river wearing only lycra, surrounded by people who only talk about arm technique, and having the back of my head smacked by trees every two or so minutes?”. Chances are, the answer is “no”. Invest in some quality self-care (and self-respect), and go back to sleep.