With the new season of the Premier League set to begin this week, it’s time for Varsity’s annual Fantasy Premier League (FPL) to be launched!

With 131 entrants into last season’s league, it was tough competition with the winner scoring an impressive 2587 points over the course of the season. To join, just follow the link and the league’s code is ‘tspkoc’.

But what to do if you’re not part of the FPL elite? Well that is to plan your demise. We all know that the secret to a good FPL league is a great forfeit. Something embarrassing, but not too extreme. Funny, but not heinous. Accessible, but not easy. So I have put together a list of (arguably poor) FPL forfeits you can do in Cambridge to really spice up your upcoming Michaelmas term.

Wear something embarrassing to the club

I’ll start with the classic I had to complete myself when I lost my friend group’s FPL league. Now one would argue that clubbing in Cambridge is embarrassing enough by itself, and most definitely if you’re in Revs and not a fresher. But anyone who has witnessed a sports night or rowers in Mash can tell you that what you wear to the club can make that experience even more embarrassing. You could let your fellow FPL-ers pick an embarrassing t-shirt out at the charity shop. Dig out your halloween accessories and try to traverse Lolas in an eyepatch and fetching hat. Or go for something slightly more personal, an in-joke if you will. For me that was my friend’s very fashionable Jesus JCR jumper, because college pride must be shown at all times, even at Frash.

Game of pub chicken

Another FPL forfeit classic is a game of pub chicken. The concept is simple, the poor loser of the league must dress up as a chicken and hide out in a pub. The other league participants must then pub crawl in order to find the chicken. The best way to do this is to force the poor loser to sit by themselves for at least a couple hours whilst you all laugh at the image of a chicken alone in a pub. Cambridge is a perfect place for a bit of pub chicken, plenty of pubs to choose from and all close together. And if you’re lucky some tourists might just think it’s some kind of odd tradition.

Let your friends play formal dress up

Attend a formal to celebrate you all getting through another tough year of FPL. But the loser must have their outfit chosen by the winner. Obviously formal dress codes must be abided by but you can get creative. A novelty tie, hideous floral shirt, a bright white blazer and non matching trousers would surely do the trick to make the loser regret their team choices. Grafton charity shops will surely be happy to have your business. But at least you can have a whole bottle of wine to forget about how the 17-year-old servers are probably gossiping about you in the kitchen.

Jump in the Cam

If all else fails, you can always fall back on the Cam as the worst forfeit of all. Why some people jump in the Cam voluntarily I’ll never understand. But there’s nothing like an E. Coli infection to teach your mate that they should save their triple captain for a double gameweek.

Happy fantasy playing to all and may the best (re: saddest) person win!