Going into the Cambridge Arts Theatre, and taking our seats in front of the iconic Westerberg High setting, we couldn’t help but feel that what we were about to witness was going to be a welcome change from the sort of theatre we normally get to see in Cambridge. We’ve both seen quite a bit of overly clichéd, insensitively-produced, and tacky productions here. But what a treat! A West End production, right on our doorsteps!

Alas … our ignorance was blissful. There’s an awful lot wrong with Heathers. We had wondered whether it was going to be worth the hype and the cult-like following it’s earned since its West End debut in 2018. The simple answer: no. Heathers is a painfully clichéd production that runs riot with butchered depictions of sensitive themes, including suicide, body image, eating disorders, sex, date-rape, extremism, violence, and abusive relationships. Call us prudes – we do know it’s meant to be funny and satirical – but it felt impossible to get behind. The dark comedy of the original 80s film gets tangled up with complex issues that the script isn’t quite funny enough to pull off. We get what it’s trying to do, but, in our opinion, it doesn’t succeed.

“The play turns excessively realistic sights of teenagers inflicting harm on themselves and others into one big joke”

The audience was full of children, some appearing as young as eight or nine. Whatever age recommendations theatres might be putting in place are irrelevant, because this musical is clearly branded for teens and tweens. The songs that have gone viral on TikTok, paired with the Mean Girls-esque plot, provide the perfect appeal for secondary school-age children (or even younger at times).

With a sex scene that left very little to the imagination, the romanticisation of a girl jumping off a bridge, a character hanging herself with her bedsheets in her teenage bedroom, another swallowing an entire bottle of pills – only for the butt of the joke to be the sight of her gradually spitting them all out into her hand – and multiple shootings, it was hard not to be hyper-aware of the amount of pre-teens witnessing this from the seats. For these to be portrayed through comical, slapstick-esque musical numbers that invite us to laugh at these glaringly sensitive issues, or, worse, followed up with pathetically pithy songs which make it all okay with a reminder to “let us be seventeen”, meant that any insinuation of dark comedy came jarringly in conflict with the upbeat happy ending of musical theatre.

The programme warns that the musical “contains haze, loud noises including gun shots, flashing lights and strobe” – and eventually gets to the “mature themes” it “references”… But this fails to really capture how the play turns excessively realistic sights of teenagers inflicting harm on themselves and others into one big joke, which felt all too real in a world where school shootings, suicide, and eating disorders still aren’t taken seriously enough.

Yet there were still more moments when we found ourselves cringing in our seats. A crudely misjudged moment of audience interaction saw Ms Fleming (Lucy Sinclair) flirting with someone on the front row, only to discover he was there with his very young daughter. The explicit nature of the interaction was genuinely uncomfortable, and to the utmost detriment of the production as a whole. We’re not against mature themes on stage, but we are when the audience is so young. Again, any suggested age ratings mean little when the musical is so carefully marketed towards that demographic.

“It’s a shame that the foundations of the play are so ridiculously out of touch that the talents of the cast and crew are left dulled”

In a long list of musical numbers, the only one which got us laughing more in genuine enjoyment than shocked embarrassment was ‘My Dead Gay Son’, which – while it still left our jaws hanging at the audacity of turning a teen funeral into a coming-out moment for their fathers – somewhat reached more towards pulling off the balance of edgy dark comedy and upbeat teen musical.

If you can get past what we deem to be an intensely problematic script, everything else is good. The acting and choreography is almost eerily synchronised, and the production does stand up to the West End standards promised. The smaller stage of the Cambridge Arts Theatre must have posed a significant challenge, and it’s one that was entirely overcome. The costumes, set, and lighting design are laudable. It’s a shame that the foundations of the play are so ridiculously out of touch that the talents of the cast and crew are left dulled.

It’s worth acknowledging that not everyone feels the same as us. There were plenty of people in the audience laughing, and lots of the audience were quick to their feet for a standing ovation afterwards. We can’t agree though, and felt this response to what we had seen over the last two hours was wholly inappropriate.

You might enjoy this show. But we couldn’t, because laughing at teenage suicide, sexual abuse, and all the rest didn’t sit right with us. We need to be aware of what we’re laughing at, or singing along to, or even applauding; good acting can’t make us forget the severity of the script’s issues. We shouldn’t be glamorising suicide in front of kids, and this musical does just that.

‘Heathers: The Musical’ is showing at the Cambridge Arts Theatre from Tuesday 19th until Saturday 23rd November, at 7:30pm.